Though reading it in the pub with a friend while we drank cider and laughed ourselves silly at the idea of a man getting you to sign a contract where he controls your diet, grooming habits and orifices and the idea that we are supposed to be turned on by the visual of said man removing a girl’s tampon before having sex with her erotic did make it slightly more bearable that I spent good money on that utter shit.

And I’m not joking, by the way. I have the original fanfic (which got taken down from fanfiction.net once the author sold it, obvs) as a pdf after some fandom drama went down last year, and it is just the same thing, with minimal changes.

And how technologically backwards do you have to be to not know that you can find stuff like this – only better-written – for free, all over the internet? Or have these people never heard of fanfiction at all?

What strikes me most is the unrealistic character of “Christian Grey” – and talk about a soap opera name. Seems to me that this man with almost 10,000 employees who is a controlling and powerful executive with huge responsibilities would not have a need to completely dominate in his private life. I imagine this kind of guy would be paying sex workers to change is diapers and nurse him. I just think it’s more logical for him to be the sub, but then women wouldn’t be lapping it up- they’d be disgusted. I found this blog by googling “Fifty shades of silliness”.

What would possess someone to dream up such a terrible sentence? And using any word with ‘phlegm’ as its root just seems sort of gross in the context of a book of this sort.

Hammie – OKay good, where does the money come in? E-books?

Miss Cavendish – I’m afraid to look but I’m gathering my courage.