I recently attended the funeral of a childhood friend who died of a heroin overdose. He was 23 and not someone who I’d thought would go that way, but then again I hadn’t seen him in years. I had stayed in contact with his mother, thought. It was so sad, all very hush hush. She was on suicide watch, as I imagine I would be. The only thing that distracted me from the loss was all the Jesus talk — it was a Catholic affair. I was fortunate for that, though. Getting mad kept me from losing it in how sad it was. I wanted to remember him and hear about how he had been a great friend as he got older.

I can’t imagine losing a son, or a brother, or a partner, or a close friend and ever getting over it fully. It’s something you take with you. I don’t believe in reincarnation, but memories are powerful.

I do believe in God. Sometimes it isn’t easy being a believer because I have also had my dark nights. Horrible, bad things happen to everyone and it is so unfair, life. Just a week ago I learned that an ex-coworker of mine was hit by a car as she walked in a cross walk and now she is in a coma with severe head trauma. No one knows if she will make it or not. It’s horrible. I’m out of a job for the second time in three years which is a bummer and causes me a lot of anxiety, but then if I trust in God I shouldn’t be anxious right? God is God and we are human beings who have to live in the world with other human beings, some of whom are selfish and mean and narcissistic. That’s the challenge of life I think. To be decent, kind, ethical in a world full of fakers and users. And when we finally leave this place, we can take off our armor and finally REST.

Your loss is a terrible one. Truly. And I send my love to you through the ether.

I never really saw the point of funerals until I went to a few of them. I think now that ceremony helps us with life’s most extreme moments–good and bad.

So have a get-together in Max’s honor.

annemarie – Yep, I believe in spirits too.

Cricket9 – People say the most idiotic things in response to death. I resent that comment on your behalf.

Janet – xoxo

Patni – Don’t worry, my ponytail isn’t nearly as thick now that I’m 100. But I do remember once having a big fight with my then-husband and hitting him in the face with my ponytail while shouting: AT LEAST I HAVE HAIR!