Good news on the Cuba front! Bristol and Willow accompanied me and are now servicing the Castro Bros and soon the embargo will be lifted.

You see, after that unshaven fellow, what was his name again? Oliver Martini! Yes, yes, they ALL have names like that, don’t they? After Oliver, well, let me down, I knew I needed some of that old-time Latin loving! So I decided to visit the Bay of Piglets and spend some time with family!

I’ve always loved the music of the Castro Brothers–do you remember that movie about those old men playing their mocambos and gazongas and bongo bazoomo thingies and screaming all night? The Boner Visa Social Club for Spics, or something? Well, you MUST remember the Castro boys in that, don’t you? They were just sooo masculine, with their beards and their penises and their military worn-outs [I think she means “military fatigues” – ed.] and their penises…Sigh. Penises.

penispenispenispenispenispenis….

Oh! Tee-hee! Lost in [makes air quotes] “thought” there for a minute!

[FWS winks broadly. Winks again. A minute passes. She winks again. More minutes pass. She emits seven winks, twelve giggles, and blinks thirty seven times. More minutes pass. Katie Couric rushes in, screams twice, slaps FWS in the face but is dragged off by Klansmen in the McCain security detail.]

[FWS nods and smiles. She winks once and seems to notice a teleprompter. She squints, leans forward and finally haltingly resumes speech.]

Anyway. Down. I. Came. To. Cuba. Cue. Bah. It was tough at first. The Castro Brothers just wanted me to suck and lick their penises and masturbate with their beards. It was okay, but then they fell asleep and some men with guns made me leave! And all the other musicians from the Screaming Spic Music Club are dead! Sob! So now you can see why I really hate abortion!

Anyway, I was drinking on the beach and stripping my clothes off, even my under-parka (Cuba is warmer than home that’s for sure!) and shouting at all the Cuban men (especially the daaaark ones: they were so much fun at my wedding!) to come and fuck me up the ass. Well, after a couple of hours, one of them finally did!

His name is Ricky. Ricky Ricardo. Ricardo Montalban. Ricky Montalban Martin. Ricky Martino. Oliver Martino. No, Martino Montalban? [Stares at the teleprompter. Minutes pass.] Oh, fiddlesticks! What difference does his name make! He’s a Spic!

Sigh. I think I am in love.

So yes, I’ve been dancing with Ricky for days now. He is so Latin. He puts his thing in my heinie, and when I start to cry, he shouts, “Luuuube eeeez for loooooozers!!!”. Then he pulls my hair, tells me, “Time to dance now, putita!”, and then just goes wild doing the mambo up my rear!

His rhythm is flawless. 300 hard deep strokes every single minute. Never misses a beat. Sigh. Now I know I am in love.

There is one problem though. I brought beautiful perfect Trig down here with me to get some sun for his oily pale mongoloid skin that’s so disgusting to me when I’m not on camera. Well guess what? Ricky grabs Trig from me, holds him up in the air, and asks over and over and over again, “Do chew have a lisaaaahnse for dat miiiinnnkkeeyyy!!!”

And then he beats Trig until he bleeds. Trig, of course! Not Ricky! Trig is the one who bleeds! Don’t be silly!

Sigh. I love Ricky. He’s giving Trig the quality of life I knew the little freak deserved when I brought him into this lovely world.

Got to go! Ricky’s bringing over six or seven of his friends to do the mambo with me. Tee-hee! It’s like my second wedding and honeymoon all over again. I feel like a new woman! Except I can’t sit down without screaming. Tee! [Wink]

Wish you were here, Todd–NOT!!! [Wink]

Your Faithless Wife,
Sarah

P.S. OOOOWWWW!!! Don’t pull my hair so hard!!!

“On Good and Evil”

It is obvious to me
Who the good guys are in this one
And who the bad guys are.

The bad guys are the ones
Who say Israel is a stinking corpse,
And should be wiped off
The face of the earth.

That’s not a good guy.

(To K. Couric, CBS News, Sept.

25, 2008)

“You Can’t Blink”

You can’t blink.

You have to be wired
In a way of being
So committed to the mission,

The mission that we’re on,
Reform of this country,
And victory in the war,
You can’t blink.

So I didn’t blink.

(To C. Gibson, ABC News, Sept.

11, 2008)

“Haiku”

These corporations.

Today it was AIG,
Important call, there.

(To S. Hannity, Fox News, Sept.

18, 2008)

“Befoulers of the Verbiage”

It was an unfair attack on the verbiage
That Senator McCain chose to use,
Because the fundamentals,
As he was having to explain afterwards,
He means our workforce.

He means the ingenuity of the American.

And of course that is strong,
And that is the foundation of our economy.

So that was an unfair attack there,
Again based on verbiage.

(To S. Hannity, Fox News, Sept.

18, 2008)

“Secret Conversation”

I asked President Karzai:

“Is that what you are seeking, also?
“That strategy that has worked in Iraq?
“That John McCain had pushed for?
“More troops?
“A counterinsurgency strategy?”

And he said, “Yes.

”

(To K. Couric, CBS News, Sept.

25, 2008)

“Outside”

I am a Washington outsider.

I mean,
Look at where you are.

I’m a Washington outsider.

I do not have those allegiances
To the power brokers,
To the lobbyists.

We need someone like that.

(To C. Gibson, ABC News, Sept.

11, 2008)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDoDWiJ5EAg

Patrick, are you dancing with Ricky Ricardo?