Comments on: Me Without You

By: Sister Wolf

Sister Wolf — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 05:40:09 +0000

Deni – Thank god you got away from that prick.

theresa – Parents should never think they have the right to control their child’s path in life. They’ve made their choices – now you get to make yours. They should root for your happiness. Stay strong and risk their displeasure. You obviously know what your calling is, which is more than most young people can say. xo

ginger – BINGO, I have the same. Get even with them by surviving your childhood. It’s a noble goal.

By: WendyB

WendyB — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 05:16:10 +0000

Well, you know my experience with borderline personality disorder, but I’m not going to elaborate on it here. I’m saving it for my book 😉

By: ginger

ginger — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 20:22:41 +0000

Wow, I’ve just been learning how to deal with having a borderline mother and a narcissistic father. Talk about fucked up foundation. It’s always a relief to meet others who’ve been raised in the eye of the storm.

By: Dru

Dru — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 17:11:22 +0000

On a side note: I think Anna Friel is lovely. She was adorable as Chuck in Pushing Daisies, and back in 2004 when I first heard that she’d got together with Remus Lupin (I mean, David Thewlis) I had a moment of squeals and giggles. She’s prettier as a brunette though!

By: kate

kate — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 06:26:39 +0000

Me Without You is a fantastic little movie…though I was too distracted by the fun of the recent period-piece fashion narrative it constructed to pay too much attention to the simplistic virgin/whore dichotomy it explored. At least the divide crashes in on itself by the film’s end, supporting what you say about control being something one gives permission to another to take.

I’m a Marina (externally) myself and have had many Hollies, and though the good-girl always has it harder, being the conversely dramatic one never allows you to be taken very seriously, and the sweet friends who have put up with my shit have never been above playing the wounded martyr. Plus, having to be controlling can be just as taxing as being controlled. Some of us just aren’t complete without someone else to intertwine psyches…maybe all of us to some degree. It’s all woefully unhealthy and makes me think that roles and preconceived notions of personality expectations should be reversed every other month in order to strengthen relationships and help foster sanity. Whew.

By: SwanDiamondRose

SwanDiamondRose — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 04:08:26 +0000

tomorrow i will use the word frisson. and inappropriately. i’ll use it to describe how i feel when crispy flakes of newly fallen snow litter my hair. oh the frissons!

By: hammie

hammie — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:51:51 +0000

my husband has gone to bed, before I go up I am opening the new packet of vac packed ground coffee and putting it in the tin. Because he can’t do it right.

hmm

By: angela

angela — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:12:53 +0000

I fortunately have the most stable, peaceful, wonderful, loving mother in the entire universe, but I also have a borderline (bipolar he’s been told by many psychiatrists…but refuses to believe them…), evangelical christian, manipulative, controlling father, who is married to a woman who is the same if not worse than he is.
I struggled with it for a long time while I was a kid and living with him, and am still struggling with it in different ways, but it finally took me saying ‘this is my life, you get out of it, and let me live it the way I feel is right’ to free myself from his control.
I look at him now, with more emotional disconnect, and see a lonely, hurt, sick individual who is essentially driving everyone who’s ever loved him from a non sick place out of his life because he is so afraid to lose them. It is sad, but it is also impossible to have a conversation with him, because it always ends up being about why I am not good enough, why I need God, and the basic projection of his mistakes and unhappiness onto my life…
I am eternally grateful to my mom for being such an amazing foundation for me, for my entire life…and I am glad that she was strong enough to get out of that controlling relationship with my father however many years ago that she divorced him. However, he is still trying to control her…
Anyway, Sister Wolf, this was a great post, thanks.

By: theresa

theresa — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 20:48:00 +0000

my dad used to run a company and the only thing my mom has to show for her life is my sister and me. She could’ve been a painter or an ice skater- but bipolar disease and anorexia got the best of her. Needless to say, my grandparents consider her a failure. They made her feel stupid and worthless- so the only thing my mother valued about herself was her beauty, grace and lithe physique. When you get older, obviously all that shit slowly disappears.

Not the grace. she’s still the most pathetically graceful human being I know.

So here I am, a product of her depressive, obsessive smothering- considered a Huge disappointment because im not doing anything with my life that is easy to understand or at the very least, good fodder for bragging. The way I dress, speak and conduct myself, the things I love- they all embarrass her. She’s turned the pressure to live for her away from me and on to my sister.

To conclude: My dad sold his company and now communicates to me like an employee of a family company (literally threatening to take away college funding every other week if I don’t do precisely what he asks- this ranges anywhere from writing a letter to get a work connection I don’t want, making Excel spread sheets for my weekly schedule and sending them to him, apologizing for raising my voice, going to a psychiatrist, taking medication for borderline (which I DO NOT WANT to do) or taking an internship that seems practical to him.) My mom has her own demented control issues.

Every step I take is a self aware rebellion in the direction of doing what I love: writing poetry. But doing what I love means I break the hearts of the people I love who love me.

Its fucking agonizing and I hate it. and I hate it more when I break down, forgetting the last time I tried to make them understand what I do and watch as they blankly scan and say “thats nice.” or worse, “does it have to be so crude?” or “when you use the word fuck, it makes you sound uneducated.”
FUCK.

ITS ABOUT YOU, MOTHERFUCKER. it means I love you! Somewhere in that image is an apology. Somewhere in that alliteration IM begging for your approval.

They don’t realize that writing a decent poem requires a knowledge of music, cosmology, mythology, biology, literature and of course, contemporary poets and poetic movements. working my ass off: Im the editor of two school publications. including its fanciest literary mag.

fortunately my bitter angry grandfather supports me, but thats about it.

Now, If somebody tells me to do something, a perfectly decent logical request, I have to force myself not to do the opposite of what they’ve asked.

of course, this whole diatribe is probably romanticized a bit, but I can’t help it. Im melodramatic.

By: erika

erika — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 20:26:35 +0000

I love that everyone is sharing their experiences. Like Arline I have been single a long time too and am ambivalent about getting involved because someone may want to dominate or control me. I tend to be pretty agreeable in relationship. I like middle ground but I think most people are used to dominance in one way or another. I tend to spend a lot of time alone for this reason too. F’ing childhood issues with dominant, abusive, older sister – aarrgghh!!
okay working on it. It’s a lifetime project.