Comments on: My Dad: Probably Not a Serial Killer

By: Lucinda

Lucinda — Thu, 27 Jun 2019 21:25:48 +0000

Not much in the way of physical abuse from my dad, but emotionally cruel would be an understatement. What kind of man takes away my treasured kitten in the morning and later tells me he put it in a bag and threw it over a bridge on the way to work? And then laughs. Lots of therapy but I still cry like a baby when I see a kitten that looks like mine.

By: Luna

Luna — Fri, 21 Jun 2019 20:31:57 +0000

Your dads behavior was not normal. I think good fathers existed in every era but in the past parenting win general wasn’t discussed as much as it is today. Things were just how they were. I’m around your age and was lucky enough to have a gem of a father. He was kind, extremely generous, patient and 100% devoted to his children and my mom. He was also a bad-ass Vietnam veteran (Captain of Artillery) who won a bronze star for ‘valor in combat’. He was very, very competent and confident at whatever he did. I think his internal deep confidence in himself allowed him to be kind and generous to his children. He was a real man and he knew it. Anyway, your dad sounds like he was an insecure twit. I think deep shame and insecurity is the root of that type of mean behavior. So, no he wasn’t normal. PS- lest you think it was all sun-shine and roses, my mom is a narcissistic alcoholic and my saint father has protected (enabled) her since she was 23.

By: Miranda

Miranda — Fri, 14 Jun 2019 08:25:32 +0000

Your father had a definite sadistic streak. Nothing generational about it. I experienced some “odd” behavior coming from my dad. Nothing sadistic. He was a true eccentric. With “Father’s Day” on the horizon, I would feel guilty going into it. How sick is that? LOL

By: Jane

Jane — Fri, 14 Jun 2019 01:37:58 +0000

As a baby boomer my father was completely emotionally and physically absent from me. He ignored me all the time. He was the same way with my mother. Passive aggressive.
My mother hated my father and vice versa, but I think that after the Second World War people did not marry for love (My parents were both Irish and English respectively).
Europe after WWII was in a state of hell.
Are men better today-I honestly can’t say…

By: Dj

Dj — Thu, 13 Jun 2019 18:35:12 +0000

I think it’s generational. I think fathers ( I hate the word. Dad) born before the 30s had much harder childhoods; they weren’t children. So, they don’t have tools for identifying with how children feel and “process” things. I know my father did the best he could, but he could be difficult to manage. He was lost in a mix of 10 children, all the older brothers much older. Cruelty mixed with joviality made for a scary cocktail. Other fathers had their own dark sides–again, teasing at the same time ostracizing, especially boys. Silent. I just can’t say. But, we kids were so used to foul language, yelling etc that when there was a father who spoke softly to their kids we thought they were weird. I think fathers over the last 20 years or so are making up for that, are more enlightened, but, are also weak in some areas. Not that they have to beat the crap out if their kids to make them listen (although that absolutely works) but the overly fawning messages are not helping. I don’t identify them as men. More man-boys.

By: Sister Wolf

Sister Wolf — Thu, 13 Jun 2019 03:11:04 +0000

Dj – Thank you for answering my question!!!! I’m really trying to understand what kind of behaviors were considered normal or acceptable by fathers. I’m also wondering if it’s generational. Young fathers today seem more enlightened, and more involved in their kids’ well-being. Were our dads more abusive that the norm? Was teasing considered a dad’s way of communicating? It’s so fucked up. I need more input on this. xo

By: Dj

Dj — Wed, 12 Jun 2019 15:37:41 +0000

Typos. Was riled up

By: Dj

Dj — Wed, 12 Jun 2019 00:12:33 +0000

Me father was an emotional roller coaster. Laughing one minute, beating up my brother the next. Me mother lived with it, but hated it. I was around fathers who were always teasing their kids, goading them and just being assholes. One of my friends who had a jokester father was buzzed by a Cattle Prod her dad picked up as a toy! To this day I hate teasing, I cringe when “dads” pick on children with “good humor”. Not good for anybody. Assholes.