Your blog is poignant and funny (Also addictive). I am touched by your story.

As someone who lives with pain but tries desperately to push it away with every worldly pleasure conceived in a desperate bid to not face my own darkness, I understand your plight (I think).

In my own journey I am praying to saints for help. Mary, the Mother of God, suffered while watching her son die on the cross.

I recently meditated on her pain and found it consoling. Imagine having to kneel in front of your son, helpless as he suffers. Her pride and Joy, the only son of God, was her world. He was beaten ruthlessly and tortured, by the very people he loved and offered salvation to.

For myself, I’ve come to the realization that no one can know another’s pain. But I believe that Mary, who suffered helplessly for the sake of others and watched her son die, probably knows about pain much much more than I do.

I am sorry for your loss and please, forgive my unbidden comment. I know it is probably not needed or wanted. However I felt a surge of compassion for you and wanted to honor my Mother. Jesus said “Woman behold your son, Son behold your Mother” to the Apostle John and Mary on the cross. He knew the pain that She felt. I have faith and hope in God, that His perfect knowledge of our pain is kept in His heart as well.

Please forgive my horrible grammar. God bless you.

I don’t understand your comment. Is your point that there’s always a silver lining no matter how grim one’s circumstances? One can’t see light if not for the contrast of pain & darkness? The bad brings one to the good & if it did, then the bad was well bloody worth it? If so, that sentiment to me is utter nonsense.

If someone needs to experience unpleasantness in order to do something better with his/her life, that is my definition of pathetic. My experience is that in most of those cases, they were selfish people who got a good dose of a steel toed Doc Marten to the ego. How does that correlate to what I’ve said? You cannot judge. I’ve been no such person. Quite the opposite, in fact, but I won’t brag, complain or justify. We can’t speak for another. If you didn’t imply those sentiments, then accept my apology.

I believe we’re not all the same. Expressing pain or deciding not to doesn’t mean one lives in a shell, in the dark & closeted or vice versa. Some have lives that would make anyone luckier feel the need to duck & run, but those people may not define their lives as unlucky. And, there’s the flip side of those, who appear to have it all, yet seem bloody miserable. Would you trade places with them because they have money or other gifts/freedoms you or I may not? I wouldn’t.

I am what & where I am despite what I’ve gone though not because of it. However, I don’t marinate in thinking how much better or further I could have gone had I had support, more money, friends in high places, nice family, good luck, etc. That’s poison & rumination. I dislike the word victim but more so the label survivor. I’m just human & take on no one’s definitions they feel the right to assign others. That, in particular, is why I remain anonymous with any pain I’ve had, on a message board, here or in real life. If you’d met me, you’d have no idea of the demons I had to face in my life. I choose not to wear pain on my sleeve. For those who do, I can have empathy or sympathy for some who define it as a part of their lives. For those who pain is the forefront, I find it hard to be around them.

I strive daily to overcome. I refuse to allow others to drag me into an abyss & shun those who feel I need to be there or should talk about being there in order to heal or that I should rip out my heart to reveal pain to satisfy their morbid curiosities. I’ll do what is best for me to survive & don’t need permission otherwise. Nor do you.

I have no idea what you tried to express. Judgment that we should feel grateful just for taking a breath & being able to walk? If yes to any of the above, stop… you don’t know anything about me. If not, please elaborate because I obviously missed your point.