Comments on: Peaches, Grief, Guilt and Restraining Orders

By: Dj

Dj — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 23:37:25 +0000

Everyone please stop flagellating

By: annemarie

annemarie — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 16:53:30 +0000

and now i feel bad because my comment is so worthless and unhelpful. terrible!

By: annemarie

annemarie — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 13:35:35 +0000

I feel guilty all the time and I don’t have the terrible grief to deal with that you have. Your pain is so overwhelming that it spills out over your borders– you accuse other people of stuff, then they attack you, then you get restrained/blocked, and then, finally, you pin it on yourself. We need guilt because it tells our brain: “if you feel bad, it means you’re not bad.” It absolves us.

I read this awesome article about whether or not Putin is a narcissist: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/04/vladimir-putin-narcissist/360544/
I was reading it and then suddenly started wondering if I was a narcissist because some of the stuff applied to me, and I felt bad. Then I realized that it’s classic narcissism to read something about another person and think it’s about you, and I felt really, really bad.

You can’t fucking win playing this game. Animals don’t have any of these problems. It’s as though things are too simple for us. Our brains became overdeveloped at the cost of our basic common sense.

There’s nothing wrong with you. Max had exactly the right Mom for him and you loved each other. Keep feeling him in your heart! He’s there, not in your head.

The death of Peaches depressed me for a whole day….we’re all so frail and vulnerable. We don’t need to torture ourselves on top of everything else.

By: grass is not greener

grass is not greener — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 07:53:13 +0000

It is imperative that people know the cause of death. That is something I am very upset about when a person dies and the cause of death is not known or disclosed. It should be public knowledge. If a co-worker dies the surviving co-workers need to know what killed him/her. It is part of the grieving process. Everyone dies and I believe everyone has the right to take their own life. But the cause of death needs to be known. There is one way to get born. No secret to that. But there are a million ways to die and leaving people with a question mark leaves them with a hole. I think once you find out how Peaches died you will feel a lot better.

I have sent plenty of belligerent emails. That therapy trick where you write a letter to someone getting out your feelings but you aren’t supposed to send it…I always just send it. I don’t even give a fuck any more.

By: Sally

Sally — Fri, 18 Apr 2014 11:24:41 +0000

I really wish you could find the peace of mind a loving mother deserves. You’re a mother in pain not a monster.

By: thriftstorelawyer

thriftstorelawyer — Thu, 17 Apr 2014 21:22:48 +0000

Sending deep, random-stranger, internet love. There is no perfect solution, but who is to say helping someone else won’t help you?

By: Dj

Dj — Thu, 17 Apr 2014 19:44:40 +0000

Sister sister sister, stop the negative self talk (can you tell I have been through therapy?)waaaaay too hard on yourself…you know you are not a monster, the people you describe sound utterly infantile. Restraining order?! Come on…actually, I would feel a since of pride if someone was that afraid of me and what I have to say!

You have a gentle heart, you are highly intuitive, you have lots of dark shadows that appear and disappear…don’t let them scare you so much…suicide seems to be a natural horror, a curiosity we can’t control. Let it pass.

By: Janet

Janet — Thu, 17 Apr 2014 14:47:31 +0000

I share your morbid preoccupations. I switched from Googling news about l’Wren Scott to fixating on Peaches Geldof. Rarely a week goes by that I’m not preoccupied by suicide, in fiction or by celebrities I know nothing about. I think once it leaves its footprint on you it’s hard to avoid.
I don’t think you’re a horrible person, Sister, just someone with a lot of unanswerable questions and justified anger. We’re all monsters sometimes. You’re sweet to call a stranger and offer support, but I hope you don’t feel it’s your job to save everyone you come in contact with.
xoxo

By: Heidi

Heidi — Thu, 17 Apr 2014 08:56:05 +0000

I don’t know what to say, except I am so sorry.

By: Kellie

Kellie — Thu, 17 Apr 2014 02:36:40 +0000

You ARE a nice and compassionate person!!! You are someone who has been presented with terrible situations and circumstances, and are doing the best you can.
And that’s all any of us can do. Ever.

I was hoping against hope that Peaches was going to be found to have had a heart defect, or something like a brain explosion or ANYTHING BUT DRUGS.
But seeing as we are now waiting on toxicology reports, that doesn’t appear to be an option.
And her little 11 month old baby was there with her.
It makes me both furious and sad.
Its easier to look at someone elses problems and have sympathy for them. But hard to have it for ourselves.
Sometimes losing friends is the only way to move forward.
Be kind to yourself Sister.