Suggestions for Jane™

Here is the newest “Lita” by Jeffrey “Laughing his ass off” Campbell.

The Exclusive Black Shag. At Karmaloop.   (Nickie Frye found them)

Jane, before you say no, hear me out. These shoes would show that you are a Man of the People, you know, like Evita! You could revel in how ironically awful they are, while scratching your itch to spend money and totter around hoping not to fall.

I think the possibilities are endless with these shoes.

Besides scaring the shit out of people, you could also _____________________.

*Who can finish this sentence?? Feel free to use “voluminous.”

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50 Responses to Suggestions for Jane™

  1. anA says:

    Dear Sister Wolf, i fall more and more in love with your blog every day. I just laughed for five minutes straight. Thank you.

  2. Esme Green says:

    scour your pots and pans with them.

  3. andrea says:

    Talk about feet like hooves! They are hysterical! I am sure Jeff Campbell (I hope he doesn’t take offense with my familiarity towards him) is laughing at all his disciples all the way to the bank. And I like your new kinder tone towards Jane. But I don’t think they are expensive enough for her. Doesn’t she wear only high end real designer shoes?

  4. Ann says:

    For the first time in a long while, I am fresh out of words. Those shoes are voluminously awful and all I can picture is snow clumps being stuck to them, the way dog fur gets after a fresh snow.

  5. Sister Wolf says:

    andrea – This is a reading comprehension test! Please re-read.

  6. sheri says:

    I’m going to have a bad dream about this shoe, and I hold you personally responsible.

    Ugh.

  7. Aja says:

    Mr. Tumnus, is that you?

  8. Jazmin says:

    Besides scaring the shit out of people, you could also fulfill a voluminous amount of small black terriers’ fantasies, as they will think that your feet are two snooty pups that have been let down to roam around on the ground who have decided to slum it. Of course this is won’t be so, because I’m still convinced you don’t wear the crazy shit outside of your house. I’ve seen what you pack to go on trips. It doesn’t make sense.

    oops, I think I started turning this into a Comment For Jane (TM)

  9. Cricket9 says:

    …you could be also assaulted by a horny goat.

  10. annemarie says:

    …you could also wear them with a voluminous t-shirt that reads “if you think my shoes are hairy, you should see my vaj.”

  11. andrea says:

    SW- i never did well on those. sorry.

  12. nadine says:

    even though I am probably everything you dislike and should probably take offence to what you say, I cannot help but love your blog and reading it makes me laugh it loud at the industry I am in. Not in a self-loathing way but in a lets-not-take-fashion-so-seriously way.

    Thanks xxx

  13. nadine says:

    oh and watch this. I think you will like it.

  14. JK says:

    Good Lord girl, if you don’t trim that thing, no guy is gonna put his tongue near it.

  15. karafina says:

    bwahahahhaha

    you’re amazeballs

    hah, i know you hate that word, but really you’re aweseome.

  16. emmett k says:

    They look like a weird murkin from the front.

  17. E says:

    Besides scaring the shit out of people, you could also save a voluminous amount of cash by taking them back for a refund. Also – if my name was Lita I would sue for defamation.

  18. I think annemarie summed it up – price and perversion in one!

  19. Danielle says:

    Annemarie, you win.

  20. David Duff says:

    Off topic, but as we are all members of the ‘Big Sis’ fan club, let us spare a thought, or a prayer if you are so inclined, for another member, Andra, who is four hours away from being hit by the mother of all cyclones down in Cairns, Australia. Hang in there, Andra!

  21. Sister Wolf says:

    David – So far she is okay and staying in touch with me. I’m worried though. Thanks for keeping her in your thoughts.

  22. Sister Wolf says:

    Danielle – It’s hard to measure up to annmarie. She raised the bar or whatever they say that means “She rules.”

  23. Sister Wolf says:

    nadine – FUCK! That video just raised my blood pressure to off-the-chart. What a couple of fucking motherfucking douchbags. Why did god make them???

  24. EJ says:

    I just laughed out loud at Annemarie’s comment- I normally only pretend that I’ve laughed out loud when I say that too, but I really did. Someone make that tshirt. Or at least photoshop someone in it.

  25. Nickie Frye says:

    Besides scaring the shit out of people, you could also be first mate on the Millennium Falcon (which I might point out has other perks, such as spending time in a confined space with Han Solo).

    I should mention that I DO have a pair of Litas & I love them, but this has taken it too far. I will wear all kinds of crazy stuff, but styling these has me stumped. (scratching head AND feet).

  26. P says:

    I’ve tried to think of an appropriate phrase to fill the blank with, but all I can muster is the same kind of series of hastily-scribbled “????”s that a worried teacher might write on a physics paper.

  27. Nickie Frye says:

    (OMIGosh, Aja’s comment is hilarious!!!)

  28. daniel says:

    Besides scaring the shit out of people, you could also….walk around like the bride at a portuguese wedding…

  29. Suebob says:

    you could also start your own tick farm!

  30. Alicia says:

    …show your support for women who choose to grow voluminous amounts of crotch hair…

    Eh? Eh?

  31. liz says:

    i love having yeti feet

  32. Erika says:

    I am imagining the funk and fungus you would pick up from shoes like these, not to mention gum. Jeffrey Campbell is not one person, there is a team of people who look at, create and approve these designs. They may exist entirely in another dimension.

  33. theresa says:

    these would be better if they featured rhinestones or studs. studs for jane, rhinestones for mom.

    in colorado they would end up smelling like a wet dog- so they would not do for my own personal styling purposes…

    I guess they would work as ironic slippers though. I could rebel against comfort and wear them in the -7 degree weather as a fuck you college kids statement. it would be hilarious and everyone would love me/hate me. which is always the point.

    I could wear them with a faux royal guard hat and a cleavage exposing dress and die of frostbite despite all the effort.

  34. Suspended says:

    I think they might be made from that strange brittle hair that grows between men’s arse cheeks.

    They look like arse. If you like them, you’re an arse. I bet they even smell of arse.

  35. Hammie says:

    My broadband is slow and I gotta say- watching that picture load slowly was too scary.

    Love to all in FNQ and Gōng Xǐ Fā Cái

  36. jlynn says:

    Riverdance with the muppets

  37. james says:

    The only GOOD way to accessorize this is with pubic hair.

  38. Sister Wolf says:

    James – So are you saying this ISN’T pubic hair??

  39. damaia says:

    This reminds me of a standing joke in my arabic class. Once upon a time my female friend Aileen was sitting with one leg propped up at her desk. Now, in most arab countries it’s rude to mention any body part below the waist by name- even something as innocuous as “leg”. So my poor Sudanese professor is flapping his hand at her and saying _something_ in arabic over and over to try to get her to put her leg down because it’s, well, inappropriate by his way of thinking. What he was saying was, “Aileen! Aileen! Laisa Munasib! Laisa munasib!” (LAY-suh moo-NAH-sib) Translated, “Not appropriate! Not appropriate!”

    These boots are laisa munasib.

  40. hahah this is friggin priceless. all the hairy shit scares me.

    ANDWHATELSEISTHERE

    SHOP

  41. Sign up these shoes for one of the treatments that Refinery 29 suggests!

  42. Debbie says:

    attach voluminous amounts to your thinning pubic hair as you enjoy the many benefits of menopause.

  43. Dr. Hypertrichosis says:

    these would be perfect with a pair of wrap-around shoulder pads and matching anal plug…

  44. Srenna says:

    I have no suggestions concerning what these beautiful shoes might be useful for, but I find the sad little shoelaces showing through the fur in the second picture to be hysterical.

  45. kellie says:

    offend everyone within a 5 block radius.

  46. Jaimi says:

    I have had an absolutely terrible day and these shoes are like, the sartorial equivalent of that. They look like some kind of first year found object art project with pubes glued to ’em to represent femininity and being oppressed in some ‘shocking’ and ‘vulgar’ way.

    But I must say I am a fan of the “Elegant” style of Jeffrey Campbell (follow the link Nickie posted) — I’d feel like a fuckin’ genie in those!

  47. chuck n. says:

    ironically do some major “man-repelling” while acheiving total blogger stardom and, consequently, having a jeffrey campbell giveaway in an attempt to spread the good word about litas and make them even more “fashionable”

    bloggers are ridiculous. though they all take pride in being “different”, they keep on buying multiple pairs of the same shoe (and everything else really)

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