I’ve nurtured an irrational hatred for Amal Clooney since I first heard of her engagement to George. The portrait of Amal in the current issue of Vogue magazine is a cornucopia of enraging new tidbits. I love how she invites a traumatized Syrian refugee to visit her English palace on the day of her interview with the fawning Vogue journalist.

I love how a nanny produces the Clooney infant twins for Amal to coo at, in between outfit changes.

I love how Amal had to put in a veritable forest of trees to obscure the view of her palace from the riffraff. I love how unapologetic she is about her consumption of couture fashion. And I super love how she manages to look awful no matter how much money she spends. If she would only eat!

But reading about her noble support of refugees, my thoughts turned to George, who just sold his Tequila company and reaped over $200 million for his share in it. We all know what a humanitarian George is, so I googled his name along with the word “refugees.”Lo and behold, George Clooney started The Clooney Foundation For Justice with his wife…

to advance justice for marginalized and vulnerable communities targeted by hate; justice for displaced children deprived of opportunities to learn; justice for refugees seeking to rebuild their lives abroad.

George is not just talk, no sir. In fact, he has been subsidizing a Yazidi Iraqi immigrant who’s been living in George’s Kentucky house while going to college! The guy’s name is Hazim. He seems really nice. If you google George Clooney, you will see that ten thousand news organizations have run the touching story of Clooney’s big heart in helping Hazim to succeed in America.

Why Kentucky instead of one of Clooney’s other properties? Because the Clooney’s don’t live there. And George’s parents are nearby in case Hazim needs anything! How nice for George’s parents to have access to their own immigrant, as it were.

On the foundation’s website, under the Refugee Resettlement Project, we learn about Hazim, followed with this:

To support our program and/or to refer participants to it, please send relevant details to us at info@cfj.org.

So, send some money or help them resettle refugees ONE AT A TIME, according to merit.

George cares deeply about the state of the world, so he gets $40 million for being the celebrity face of Nescafe. Nescafe, of course, is a subsidiary of Nestle, one of the world’s most egregious corporations in terms of child slave labor, privatizing water, international health threats, etc.

If George wasn’t so busy positioning himself for President (or Ambassador?), he could do his homework. He could be mad at Amal’s Lebanese family for their antisemitism and arms dealing.

Why can’t  he just settle down with a nice guy he genuinely loves, like his pal, ahem, Randee Gerber, instead of this silly charade with Amal?

Wait, I strayed too far from Amal. Last week, she infuriated Tom Ford and Anna Wintour by electing to wear a crazy outfit by It-Boy Richard Quinn on the Met Gala red carpet, instead of the gown Ford made for her. The last minute change of dress was taken as a huge insult to Ford, who asked that she return the dress to be used for another red carpet event. But no. Amal changed into the Ford dress during the gala! Having got the attention with Quinn’s goofy costume, she could now relax.

I think George Clooney has made a deal with the devil who won’t wear Tom Ford. This bitch will run through his money in five years if he doesn’t up his corporate shill game. And if you think the Clooneys are a real love match, I don’t know, take it up with his exes, who describe him as “more like a father.”

If you’re going, “But remember George’s tireless support for South Sudan!” read this.

Cunt.

Thoughts, complaints, counter-arguments?

Clotheshorse lawyer and handbag hoarder Amal Clooney has issued a challenge to rival Angelina Jolie in the Thin Arms Olympics.

Wearing a priceless vintage YSL gown at the Berlin premiere of husband George Clooney’s new movie, Amal looked every inch the emaciated diva, craning her birdlike neck to smile at cameras, risking injury from the weight of her diamond earrings.

Like Angelina Jolie, Amal was once a normal size but grew thinner with increasing fame. Maybe both women are giving their dinners to their husbands, who are both looking a bit puffy.

In any case, it’s a race to hit zero on the bathroom scales.

What’s the motivation for Amal and Angie? Why are they trying to disappear?

Are they unconsciously emulating the Syrian refugees whose plight has so moved them?

Or are they caught up in a folie a deux?

More important, do you want to see them arm-wrestle?

Me neither.

For a thorough accounting of Amal’s fashion purchases, visit Amal Clooney Style, my go-to source for all things Amal. Keep a calculator handy to truly appreciate the money that goes into being a superstar lawyer, wife, and human clothes hanger.

Angie’s motivation may be more complicated than Amal’s, since she has no problem sporting a pair of massively disproportionate tits. Perhaps the tits are meant to underscore her ‘Mother of All The World’s Children’ delusion.

When I was 14 years old and stubbornly clinging to my anorexia,  I used to sneak the food off my plate into my pocket. Things could get messy.

Someone should check Amal and Angie’s pockets for tamales! It’s just a hunch but you never know.

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