Clotheshorse lawyer and handbag hoarder Amal Clooney has issued a challenge to rival Angelina Jolie in the Thin Arms Olympics.

Wearing a priceless vintage YSL gown at the Berlin premiere of husband George Clooney’s new movie, Amal looked every inch the emaciated diva, craning her birdlike neck to smile at cameras, risking injury from the weight of her diamond earrings.

Like Angelina Jolie, Amal was once a normal size but grew thinner with increasing fame. Maybe both women are giving their dinners to their husbands, who are both looking a bit puffy.

In any case, it’s a race to hit zero on the bathroom scales.

What’s the motivation for Amal and Angie? Why are they trying to disappear?

Are they unconsciously emulating the Syrian refugees whose plight has so moved them?

Or are they caught up in a folie a deux?

More important, do you want to see them arm-wrestle?

Me neither.

For a thorough accounting of Amal’s fashion purchases, visit Amal Clooney Style, my go-to source for all things Amal. Keep a calculator handy to truly appreciate the money that goes into being a superstar lawyer, wife, and human clothes hanger.

Angie’s motivation may be more complicated than Amal’s, since she has no problem sporting a pair of massively disproportionate tits. Perhaps the tits are meant to underscore her ‘Mother of All The World’s Children’ delusion.

When I was 14 years old and stubbornly clinging to my anorexia,  I used to sneak the food off my plate into my pocket. Things could get messy.

Someone should check Amal and Angie’s pockets for tamales! It’s just a hunch but you never know.

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Rihanna is proving to be the best source of daring, original fashion that the pop world has ever seen. She wears the coolest under-the-radar designers and puts together the best outfits, period. With her yellow fur-trimmed cloak, she has ushered in a style I will call ‘Regal Ghetto‘.

Her outfit is the work of Chinese couture designer Guo Pei and apparently took two years to create. Rihanna didn’t care about dominating the red carpet as it was cleared to accommodate the mileage of her trailing cloak. As she said about social media recently, “Do I even give a dick about that?” And she doesn’t. Not one dick.

Let it be known that I will marry Riri if she will have me.

Next up are the naked butts. J Lo, Kim Kardashian, and Beyonce all unveiled their outsized butts, hoping to grab the spotlight. Kim was SO CLOSE to winning the ‘Most Naked’ prize until Bey showed up in a few sequins, posing her butt in every angle possible from a standing position.

She is pretty damn proud of that butt. I have now looked at it so much that I just want to put a thermometer in it. Mothers, do you feel me? And don’t forget, she is a feminist.

Anyway, Bey wins ‘Most Naked’ but Kim still gets ‘Biggest Bare Butt’, as if there were any other butts in her league.

Why, Kim??? Just stop it. We can’t, okay?

For ‘Most Egregiously Horrifying’, the prize goes to Kim’s mom, Kris.

What the fuck! Surely this is deliberate. But how can this even happen? Where do you find such awful 80’s crap? Sea of Shoes‘s closet? Salvation Army? While we ponder the horror of Kris Jenner, why don’t we say what we’ve been thinking about her marriage. I’ll go first. She and Bruce don’t need a divorce; Bruce can be the woman and Kris can be the man! It’s such a no-brainer. Kris is halfway there, or at least as far along in her ‘journey’ and Bruce is in his.

Never mind, you can’t save every marriage, not if people won’t listen to reason. On to the ‘Most Tragic’ award, it was an easy win for Sarah Jessica Parker.

Should we feel sorry for her? I don’t know. Let’s not. She brought it on herself. On the other hand, she’s married to a man who won’t come out of the closet and she has to pay women to have babies for her. That part is kind of sad. Still, that fucking headpiece: criminal.

Winners in the ‘Simply Awfu’l category were Miley Cyrus, Solange Knowles, Anna Wintour Herself, that 50 Shades of Grey girl, Lady Gaga, and most surprising, Jennifer Lawrence. Maybe the Chris Martin thing is fucking up J Law’s game.

Two gorgeous Chinese actresses who put almost everyone else to shame were barely mentioned, so let’s give them their due. Gong Li is always stunning and her appearance at the Met was right on point. I could watch her movies forever, just to admire her face.

Fan Bingbing is an international red-carpet favorite who always brings it. Always. Last night she was pure ‘Ooooooooooh.’

Finally, my choice for most annoying is Amal Clooney. She is always looking around for a camera. Her bony arm must make Angelina furious. And I’m disgusted that George had to buy a castle in England to pay off his beard uppity starving wife. Just take them away.

Okay, over to you. What did I forget?

Not too long ago, I complained about the way this model was photoshopped.

Now I’d like to complain that she appears to be starving right before our eyes.   I’m sure she is naturally thin, blah blah blah, but this isn’t natural or normal.   Doesn’t anyone over at RevolveClothing have eyes in their head? I feel so remorseful for criticizing her butt!

In my fantasy of humanity, someone would be sure to take Doll Girl aside, and urge her to get help. But no, they’re putting her in these awful clothes and snapping pictures.

While everyone goes on about full-figured models and Crystal Renn, in real life women are still trying to get smaller and smaller until they disappear. Very sad.

Of all the style bloggers who’ve been brought to my attention recently, this one disturbes me the most.

I don’t want to link to her or hurt her feelings. I just want her to eat!

How can one become so delusional that one’s starving body looks like a pin-up girl? This blogger likes to post several pictures of the same outfit, often posing saucily in front of various landmarks. She appears to be youngish, but her face is wrinkled from starvation and perhaps bulimia.

Just the other day, my sister and I were recalling our bouts of teenage anorexia. She can remember the exact moment that she decided to lose weight. We both remember how it was triggered by our dad, whose offhand comment about her weight was devastating to a sensitive 13 year old.

I can’t remember what triggered my anorexa, but it started when I was living in a place for juvenile delinquents. I got down to 96 pounds but still worried about calories. When I ate eggs, I threw away the yolk.

When you have anorexia, the image you see in the mirror can never be thin enough. Even your bones look too fat. All you care about is being thin and staying thin. You lose all capacity for being rational about your body.

A couple of years ago, I met a girl with anorexia who was also a drug addict. She reminded me a little of my younger self, and she was like a wounded bird that I longed to protect. She confessed to me that she cried after eating an apple. I tried to explain that her thinking was distorted.   She   died from huffing, thin as a twig.

A new study suggests that the propensity for anorexia begins in utero, due to hormone fluctuations. There is also a genetic component.   Therefore, it’s not just a reaction to cultural pressure and stereotypes. Maybe it’s an issue of seeking control when you   feel powerless: If you can control what you put in your mouth, you are in charge. That is the fallacy.

I hope someone can help the poor blogger. I hope someone can reach out to her, although who knows how many people may have tried and failed.

The good thing is that once you start to eat, your brain can work again. You begin to end the struggle with your body, and the spell can be broken, just by gaining a few vital pounds.

If you’ve battled with this shit, or you have an opinion, let’s hear it!

The style blog Pipeline asks whether the new spate of erotic magazines “blur the line” between smut and art. I’ve noticed latley that you can’t get away from at least partial nudity in fashion layouts and fashion advertising. While US Vogue is still rather staid, the French, Italian, Australian and Japanese versions all feature racy editorial photos of semi-naked models engaged in bondage-like situations or pseudo lesbian embrace.

The magazines listed by Pipeline are mostly aimed at men, and I would just call it Arty Smut, which isn’t one of my interests but I guess I prefer it to Artless Smut.

What I’m wondering is, how would men be affected if they were bombarded all the time with images of young semi-nude guys with perfect bodies?

Here’s one right now! Maybe he’s selling that red thing, but who cares? He’s young, he’s perfect, and most men will never, ever come close to looking like this.   If men had to see images like this all the time, I think it might wreak havoc with their self-confidence.   Maybe we’d see more anorexic men. Maybe they’d ask each other, Do my abs look too flabby? What about my pecs?

I’m not bothered by images of beautiful nude women. I’d just like to have a choice whether or not to see them. If Vogue isn’t safe any more, there will be no respite anywhere unless we keep our eyes shut.

It would be nice once in a while to get to forget about tits and ass and how ours measure up.   Men, don’t snicker! You could be next.   Meanwhile, try spending some time here.

Remember Sad Redhead Girl? Back in the day when she never smiled? Well, here she is in a plastic bag of some kind. It’s purported to be a Metallic Goddess Tank, by Free People. The Shopbop copywriter seems to be stumped by it, and I can’t blame her. In fact, after reading some descriptions today at Pink Mascara,   I realize that describing clothes is quite an art!

The Shopbop writing is full of awful jargon and cliches, but at least they are emphatic about each piece. At Pink Mascara, it’s like “This is so cute, it will look cute with other stuff, maybe.”

How would you   describe this plastic bag top that Sad Redhead Girl is wearing? Don’t get distracted by her wonky eye. I’m looking for a top-notch piece of copywriting.

And by the   way, here’s Starving Girl again, who hasn’t had a bite to eat since the last time I mentioned her. However, she has perfected the sullen expression that is her trademark.