If you don’t live in the US, you may not know about this girl. She is featured in a series of TV ads from which there is no escape.

At   first glance, or if you’re deaf, you might be pleased with her retro make up. However, soon enough, the horror of her over-the-top goofiness will obliterate this asthetic appreciation. She exudes a sickening self-satisfied energy that makes me want to kill her.

Here’s the problem. Apparently, you’re supposed to love her!

I found this out when I googled the question, “Is Matt Taibbi gay?” I thought he might be, but I wasn’t sure. I admire everything about him, as do gay men, I soon learned. The gays are disappointed that Matt is straight. But on a conservative blog, someone insisted that his dislike of the Progressive Insurance Girl proves that Taibbi is gay!

Am I gay, too? Matt Taibbi is on record as wanting to strangle this girl. YES, Matt, YES! Why would anyone object to such a healthy and normal reaction?

This world is dangerously out of whack, that’s all I know. If you google her, you’ll see an essay titled “The Strange Allure of the Progressive Insurance Girl.” Evidently, the whole nation has fallen for her “endearing” charm.   God. Make it stop.

It’s you and me, Matt. Give me a call.