Think again.

When I saw this picture today, showing Mackenzie Phillips‘ new face, I was so excited that I sent the link to my BFF.

Apparently, Mackenzie   spent $50,000 on the new face, for laser resurfacing, cosmetic dental work, botox, etc etc. Look how much younger her face looks! See how full and fresh it looks, compared to the other face, which is clearly thinner and droopier! I felt a deeper sense of urgency about injecting my face full of Restylane and Sculptra. Not now, of course, but as soon as I can somehow get my hands on a spare thousand dollars or two.

Imagine my horror to discover that the face on the left is the OLD face! The new one is on the right, with the darker hair.

What the fuck is going on here?!? Somebody owes that poor woman an apology and $50,000.

I wonder what she sees when she looks in the mirror. Is there any way that we can see our own faces objectively?

One of my nephews once concluded after seeing Faye   Dunaway on TV: “It’s better to let nature fuck your face up than to do it artificially.”   Amen. I only hope I can remember that if I ever get rich.

Madonna was not put here on Earth just to annoy us, it turns out.   We can learn from her, if only we open our hearts and minds.

Look at the photo above. Really look. Are you receiving Her message? Madonna is teaching us, at her own great expense, that grueling daily workouts are a waste of time after a certain age. Your lean muscular arms will terrify, rather than please. Put down the weights and get some ice cream, She is saying. Turn on the TV, spend some time with the kids, let your body do what bodies do as they age.

Her secondary message is, of course, the more you fatten up your face, the scarier you will look. Let’s thank her for sacrificing her facial contours to drive this lesson home. Thanks, Madge!

In this photo, Madonna is leaving a hospital in Marseilles after making a special trip there to comfort the workers who were injured while building a stage for her concert.

Click on the picture to ge the full impact. Now, what is she trying to teach us?

If you answered, She’s teaching the value of a photo op, even in times of human tragedy, no, you are being too hasty and judgmental. Think harder.

Madonna is saying, Black is serious, but it can still be fun! You can pretend to be mourning, but you can still choose some avant-garde menswear vest and some fierce high heels. You can say you’re devastated, but why just throw something on to meet a grieving widow? Work it!

I for one feel a new tenderness towards Madge. She only wants to help. She even apologized to me personally when she announced during her concert in Undine, Italy: “I feel so devastated to be in any way associated with anyone’s suffering.”

Why, thank you, Madonna! I appreciate your concern, just don’t do it again.

Having fallen off a horse, Madge takes her face and a female underling out to dinner.

Kate Winslet must be waking up in a cold sweat every morning, wondering if her head is still intact. What the hell!   Is Madonna storing nuts for the winter, or is this a pint of Sculptra in those cheeks? She is embarrassing me personally, in her role as poster girl for the Frisky Menopausal Woman.

If she fell off a horse every day for eternity, it wouldn’t begin to atone for her crimes against humanity. But she should still do it.

On a brighter note, check out this poster for the Bruno movie:

Hahahaha!   I can’t wait.