Anish Kapoor is a celebrated British sculptor whose grand scale works I find thrilling, not that I know anything about art. Last year, he pissed everyone off by gaining exclusive rights to a new color, the blackest black pigment ever created. It was developed by a company called NanoSystem, who believe it is “the blackest material in the universe, after a black hole.”

It’s pretty fucking black. Who wouldn’t be excited about that?

When Kapoor won the rights to use the color, Vantablack, he was ready to defend himself.

Why exclusive? Because it’s a collaboration, because I am wanting to push them to a certain use for it. I’ve collaborated with people who make things out of stainless steel for years and that’s exclusive.

Yeah, but come on, steel isn’t a color. Why can’t you share? What’s your deal? He addressed the issue obliquely:

The problem is that colour is so emotive – especially black … I don’t think the same response would occur if it was white. Perhaps the darkest black is the black we carry within ourselves. It’s not the night where you switch the lights off – it’s the night where you close your eyes. There’s a psycho side to blackness that we don’t associate with other colours readily. I suspect red does the same. I’ve worked with red a great deal, for not dissimilar reasons.

Well, obviously there is no reasonable defense for not sharing the pigment.  So another British artist decided to object by creating the “pinkest pink” and selling it online to anyone who promised not to share it with Anish Kapoor.

Hahahaha, Stuart Semple, you are a prankster after my own heart and I salute you. Here is Semple’s argument:

But wait!  Kapoor somehow got a hold of the pink paint, and posted a picture to Instagram, giving Semple the finger…a finger dipped in his pink.

Semple would not be outdone by Kapoor. He created the world’s “most glittery glitter,” again forbidding sales to Anish Kapoor until he’s willing to share his black.

Feud on, you guys! Life is unbearable except for stuff like this.

Meanwhile, whatever you think of Kapoor, check out his work online. I still revere him. And I want that glitter.

Don’t you hate the word ‘smackdown?’ I heard my self say it the other day, without irony, when speaking of Cheney and Obama. So now I’m using it to punish myself. Never again, though.

So, Forbes has deemed Angelina the “most powerful celebrity” in the world. They explain how they compute power, but it’s too boring to go into here.   Madge’s rating is #3.

How do you think Madge is taking this? The tabloids have reported a feud between the two women, based on their baby collecting.   Madge thinks the United Nations work is just stupid, and Angie thinks Madge is a big copy cat with the African Baby Hoarding.

Oh, those silly tabloids. I like to think that Madge and Angie hate each other MUCH more than that, at a much deeper level. I can’t prove it, but I know it’s true.

Let’s enjoy this photo of Madge at a polo match the other day. I call this one “Madge Looking For Her Dick.” God, what the hell is wrong with this woman? She should wear a fucking burka and spare us the horror.

Now, I love Angie as much as Brad does, but this picture kind of threw me.

I already knew about the nose-job, but where is her top lip?? I want those lips to be real, and I even argue about them with my sister, who insists they are augmented.   My best argument is, Who would get such unnaturally big lips on purpose? You’d go, Don’t make them look too fake, right? Now I’m confused.

But in any case, my rule of thumb is, if it’s bad for Madonna, it’s good for me.