If you’ve spend any time thinking about gender and pronouns, go and read what I wrote here, and get back to me with your thoughts, arguments, and insults! xo

Jaime King is an actress or something who recently appeared on a red carpet with her 4 year old son James, who as you can see is dressed like a girl.

Can we not pretend that he isn’t dressed like a girl? If we can’t agree on this, just stop reading. Thanks.

Jaime posted this photo on social media, and naturally, a bunch of celebs were eager to applaud her excellent parenting. “What a wonderful mom and human you are,” wrote Lisa Ling.

Jesus Christ! This is what gets you praise as a mother in 2018. Good for you, you’re letting a toddler decide its gender! I’m sorry but this bitch is way out of line with this. My belief system is going to be labeled outmoded and transphobic by forward thinking liberals but I’m good with that. My feelings come from experience with preschool children, who are all drawn to fancy clothes, whatever their gender.

Preschool children, when presented with a trunk full of clothes to play with, will go for the feathered boas and princess outfits BECAUSE THEY ARE FANCY AND PRETTY! My friend, who ran a beloved preschool for a hundred years, explained this to me when I expressed concern with one of my young sons. He was around 3 and wanted a sexy harem girl costume for Halloween. We were looking at a catalogue, and I said, “Nah, lets look at these costumes instead.” He grew up to be a regular cis male in every possible respect.

Do you think I should have squealed “YES, let’s get that harem girl outfit! Your wishes will guide me! Want a couple of dozen doughnuts, too?” I didn’t feel like encouraging behavior that struck me as inappropriate. If he had continued to exhibit a desire for dresses, at some point I would have sought professional help to figure things out.

I remember another mom, that same Halloween, who got her preschool boy a lavish gown to wear, with a lot of trailing chiffon. I disapproved but minded my own business. I’m pretty sure he dressed like a girl after that.

My mom dressed my sister and me in all kinds of outfits, but she kept our hair short. I think she was too lazy to deal with brushing it. I’m so glad she didn’t dress me like a cowboy or policeman. I had enough trouble fitting in. (Now, of course, I’m a gay man in a female body, but that’s a whole other post.)

In our effort to support gender fluidity, parents are jumping at the chance to be supportive. I think it would be more supportive to wait and observe. Toddlers love to experiment with everything. It’s how they learn. Gender is more than a social construct, as brain science tells us.

But Jaime King started a gender-free line of clothing two years ago. Is this the chicken or the egg? Who knows. I only know that the photo above does not merit a Mom of the Year Award so much as a HOLD UP! citation. Just no.

Alright, come at me, social justice warriors!

Why should it matter?! You are stuck in your binary thinking.

Even wondering is a microagression. I’m not kidding. What’s your fucking problem?

The whole idea of gender is ridiculous and insulting. It’s not only a cultural construct, but bla bla bla.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy, and I don’t even understand Shakespeare.

Gender is a spectrum. You need to be more gender-expansive.

Here, try again.

Some people are really mad about the latest issue of National Geographic.

Me, I don’t have to worry about being a gay man in a woman’s body. I’m comfortable with myself just as god made me. For others, it’s not so easy.

I certainly don’t care who uses which bathroom, as long as the line’s not too long.

But I admit I still like to know if I’m looking at a boy or girl.

Are you as fucked up in this respect?

Thoughts, insults, advice?

Sweden has got to be one of the word’s most progressive countries, with its ban on spanking children and its generous 480 days of paid family leave for each child.

Now, its largest union has a hotline for employees to report mansplaining in the workplace. It defines mansplaining as when

“a man explains something to a woman without being asked, particularly something which she might already know more about than the man”.

This is a huge step for women’s sanity and I’d like more countries to follow Sweden’s lead.

No more can some prick in your office tell you how to work the copying machine in that condescending voice. In the lunchroom, you won’t have to listen to Mr. World Traveler expound on how to get the cheapest airfare.

You can run to the phone and scream, “Lars is at my desk telling me how to make a spreadsheet!”

Lars won’t go to jail or even get fired, but you – his victim- will receive advice for productive action against him.

Sweden sounds like a Shangri-La except for the sardine-on-crispbread-snacks and the weather and the no sunshine.

But I worry that forbidding mansplaining at work might have consequences.

What if Swedish men come home after a long day of being muzzled at the office and launch into endless monologues about why certain gaskets are superior, and how the government works, and where to get the very best meatballs and why Ingmar Bergman is overrated, and what to do if your co-worker ignores the chain of command?

Who do you call then?

Me, I call my sister. We have discovered that both our husbands like to explain how to manage the contents of the refrigerator. “Use the older one first,” they both advise, like we are toddlers or tourists from Mars.

Mansplaining in the home is still the Wild West, where it’s every woman for herself.

If you live with a man, what is your favorite riff from your Mansplainer-in-Chief?

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Did you know that the average man has more estrogen than a post-menopausal woman?

This seems to have major implications.

But before I contemplate them, let’s remember that as men age, their testosterone levels fall, just as estrogen levels fall in aging women.

Doesn’t that suggest that the two genders become more alike, hormonally? Or more genderless, perhaps?

Testosterone is what men worry about most, judging from TV and radio ads. They want more energy and they want a stronger pee stream. They want to be more impressive, down there. All kinds of fake supplements promise to make these manly dreams come true.

But you never see ads that target female insecurity about being female. There are products we’re supposed to need to be more attractive, but none that promise to make us more womanly.

Personally, I already feel much too girly. I wouldn’t mind feeling more manly if it increased my sense of direction or gave me a taste for beer, instead of white wine. I’d like the opportunity to mansplain all the time. I’d like to appreciate hard rock more, and to not panic when my computer acts funny.

When I used to lift weights at a gym for bodybuilders, you could always tell who was on testosterone: The men had bad tempers and the women had facial hair. It probably increased their sex drive, but who wants to fuck a bad-tempered man or a woman wearing aftershave? They appeared to sublimate that drive by screaming “TWO MORE REPS!” and grunting like agonized pigs.

I’m going to do some research on the function of estrogen in men, but meanwhile here’s something interesting.

Another study found that testosterone supplementation in elderly men increased spatial memory and verbal memory. This testosterone supplementation also naturally increased estrogen levels due to the enzyme aromatase. If aromatase was blocked, estrogen would not increase and spatial memory improved, but not verbal memory.

Well duh, because men are good at spatial shit and women are good with verbal shit! Our brains are different whether you like it or not.

Unless, as we get really old, our brains – starved of hormones – begin to work alike, with both genders forgetting the name of that actor and wondering where they put the scissors.

Thoughts, cisgender men and women?

photo: Jay Boogie by Campbell Addy

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I decided to skip the new Caitlyn Jenner show because (1) I am just sick of her/him, and (2) I was busy watching my other Sunday shit as discussed only last week.

But upon reflection, I feel I should have my own Reality Show and of course, you should too!

Mine will be about My Journey. There will be laughter, tears, and whining, and then more tears. There will be a lot of yelling and cursing.

My family members will make appearances, nagging and berating me. My sister will bring her list of things she resents me for, like she did the last time we went out for coffee.

My gender will remain pretty stable throughout, but my mental state will be all over the fucking map.

Like I imagine Caitlyn did, I will invite you into my closet. I will grab a bunch of stuff and throw it across the room, announcing, “No more Bruce!” Or I can just moan, “Why did I spend money on this stupid shit?” as my husband wrings his hands in the background.

We will review the history of my hair, and we’ll wonder how long before I die of cancer from those ‘keratin’ treatments.

Fine, it sounds a little boring but in fact it will be mesmerizing, like Apocalypse Now crossed with Grey Gardens, only not. Maybe I can get a synopsis of every Caitlyn episode and just follow her/his lead. We can certainly talk about my tits and make-up and how fearlessly I insist on being Me.

I fucking love this. And it’s not just about me. It’s about everyone struggling with existence as an angry, self-involved shopping addict with mood swings who wants attention but doesn’t have a voice. Cunt or not.

I am a big fag hag and always have been. I’ll bet it’s politically incorrect to use the term but I think my gay friends are okay with it.   There’s nothing I love more than a gay man who will talk about fashion or just talk shit with me.

I’ve been assured that gay men are not ALL witty and stylish, well-read and opinionated. I’ll have to take this on faith. In my experience, gay men are fun to be around because they are expressive. I feel completely comfortable in the company of gay men.   I may even be a gay man trapped in a woman’s body.

Except for my indifference to Judy Garland and Barbra Streisand, I’m a great big fag. I love to look at men’s clothes and I don’t mine wearing them if they fit nicely. I’m interested in the arts and I appreciated the theatrical in nearly every context. I don’t seek out gay men because they “make me feel safe.” They make me feel stimulated and free to be the bitch I am.

I wish more men were gay! I’m always ready to talk about hunky unattainable models and Dior Homme jeans. My gay friends don’t want to bother me with sports talk or even car talk. I like learning about grinder and I like hearing guys whine about their imaginary weight gain. I can appreciate their attractiveness without sexualizing it. I LOVE being called Doll. It’s all good.

If you’re like me and you enjoy a gay sensibility, you will love http://chateauthombeau.blogspot.com/ , http://fiercerthanyou.com and http://swallowglitter.blogspot.com/ to name just three dazzling websites.

Now. Who wants to  chastise  me for my terminology or stereotyping or what have you?

Spouse A says to spouse B: You never want to talk to me!

Spouse A is :
1. Male
2. Female

In my entire life, I’ve only heard this complaint ONE SINGLE time where it was the other way around.

Five years ago I wrote about this state of  affairs  here and nothing has made me reconsider its veracity. Women want to talk and men want us to shut up.

Ladies, how do you deal with this? Have you adjusted to your mate’s low tolerance for your stories, questions and opinions? Have you found other avenues for your need to discuss the things that don’t interest your male partner, i,e, everything? Or do you insist on talking even while he sighs and adopts the grim look of a soldier off to the front line.

Do any of you have any strategies for making this conflict more interesting or entertaining.

I am anxious to hear your thoughts (since god know I can’t discuss it at home unless I just want to talk to myself!)

My friend R took me to Sephora today, to replace the NARS lipstick that her dog chewed up.

And what did I see at the check-out counter but a big frightening man-woman! If only my crappy cellphone picture could do her/him justice.

My first view was from behind, as I noticed the fake black hair with the texture of a cheap  Halloween  wig. There was a slight Angelina Jolie aspect in the profile, due to inflated lips and a hacked-off nose.   Gigantic implants contrasted nicely with the massive, muscular arms. I should have tried to see what she or he was buying, the better to figure out what gender (if any) was being represented.

In any case, I think this is a good lesson in the perils of plastic surgery AND body building. Back in the dark ages when I lifted weights, many of the female pros had managed to turn themselves into sad parodies of men, via steroids and dieting.   It isn’t a pretty picture but clearly one’s  aesthetic  ideal is badly distorted by this point.

It’s much better to let nature take its course; there is a limit to how much it can mess you up.