It wasn’t until I had my second child that I discovered the joy of piggies.  He thought they were cute and longed for a pig as a pet.

I didn’t feel we could handle a pet pig, even though my research revealed that pigs enjoy watching TV and having pedicures. Some pigs grow to over 250 pounds and have bad tempers. We made do with our dog.

Meanwhile, I have come to love piggies. They are just so fucking cute! Few things are cuter than really cute pigs.

So I liked this photo of a gold pig on a matte black box-thing.

Doesn’t it look beautiful? What great design, I thought.  Whatever the fuck it was. But then,

Oh no! It is sleek packaging for a EXTREM, a new brand of Iberian ham, launched by a company called Agriculturas Diversas.

Something about the shock of seeing ham while enjoying the silhouette of a nice golden piggie has really driven home to me what my vegan friends have known all along.

It’s disgusting to eat a pig. Not that I eat much bacon or ham, but I will never do it again, and I won’t cook it for anyone either. Bastards. How dare anyone hurt a nice piggie!

I’m not giving up burgers thought, because I love a good burger with fries, and I’ve already chosen a burger and fries as my last meal, should I end up being executed.

Yes, more penis jewelry! This ring comes in silver or gold. Check it out here, where you can find lots of other noteworthy conceptual jewelry.

Not a penis but still covetable, this bracelet by Deadly Ponies is available here.

Either piece would make a nice gift for Mother’s Day!

I love this necklace! It would make a thoughtful gift for a newly divorced friend, and the online store also has an anatomically correct heart charm with a dagger to stick in it.

You can never have too much jewelry, as long as it’s expensive, vintage, or disturbing.

I am sick to death of gladiator sandals and being urged to wear them. Every magazine and fashion blog is insisting that they are a Must. I hate them and I’m hating them more with each new batch I see.

But then! I saw these fake gladiator things that you can snap on over your shoes…and I actually ordered a pair. What the hell is wrong with me?

On the same website, I came across these hideous gold fingernail-rings. Now this is something I feel pretty secure about not buying. They are horrible enough to make me happy to be alive, but not something I’m nuts enough to buy. Yet.