One of my few pleasures in life has been cruelly eradicated by the fuckers at Shopbop. They have completely changed their format, replacing our favorite models with a bunch of Nobodies and removing the boxes that separated the images.

Where is Starving Girl and Sad Redhead Girl?!? There are a few token picture of Goony Bird, but they have airbrushed her distinctive tummy deformity and you can see that her heart just isn’t in it.

This is a real slap in the face after all my devotion.  Aside from the matter of my personal distress, I think this is a terrible business decision. They have broken the unique bond between viewer and model that made shopbop such a joy.  There is no one to connect with now, no subtext, and god knows the merchandise is awful on its own.

Fuckers! Idiots! I was so mad that I started a petition on change.org but decided that perhaps it’s not a human rights issue after all. It’s more of a consumer betrayal, I guess.

Can anyone suggest a shopping website offering a perverse joy on the level of the sadly departed original Shopbop?

First they give her polio by photoshopping that leg. Then, if that’s not enough, they give her extensions!

I say, Let Goony be Goony! Don’t fuck with her.

I may have to write a heartfelt letter to Shopbop.

Meanwhile, meet two lessor Shopbop models:   Kristen Stewart Girl and Jeniffer Aniston Girl.

Eh, I’m not feeling it.

Don’t compromise your trademark stance, Goony Bird! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

(Or as Max liked to say, If it ain’t broke, break it.)

Forgive me, She is my muse. This photo captures everything to perfection.

O Goony Bird girl
Mangled posture all twisted
And yet you get work

What the hell is up with Sass & Bide?

This skirt is just baffling.   Shopbop, naturally, $265.   Add Goony Bird and it’s a complete nightmare.

Can anyone explain?

How does she do it?!?

(Rag and Bone at Shopbop)

And she still has to pee!

I haven’t seen her in a while and I was getting worried.

Welcome back, Goony Bird!

Every time I read a thing about bloggers having to find a niche, my heart sinks.   I’m not doing anything right. I’m also supposed to put keywords in my post titles, and to figure out what kind of posts bring the most traffic. That way, I can give the readers more of what They want.

I’m terrible at following rules, even when it would be in my best interest.

I also read some shit about finding your Voice and establishing your Brand. No problems there, I think. My Voice is my actual voice, and the Sister Wolf Brand..well, duh.

But here’s a great idea for a niche. Shopbop, my favorite online shopping site, has announced that returns of their merchandise are now free! So is shipping. Wouldn’t it be great if I spent the rest of my life ordering stuff from Shopbop, modeling it, and then sending it back?!

I could let readers vote on what I have to buy and model! I could try to pose like Goony Bird! I could glower like Starvng Girl! I could wear rompers and sequin shorts! The possibilities are endless. And horrible!

I wish I had the energy to carry this out, don’t you? I could get really famous as That Crazy Woman Who Models Shopbop Crap. But would I get a book deal, do you think?

I’m not doing anything that won’t get me a book deal. In fact, that is my motto from now on. I’m going to try it out on my husband when he gets home tonight.

Just tell me why we need our feet to look like hooves or camel-toes. Is it because the designer is Maison Martin Margiela?

Can I tell you a secret? I don’t care about Martin Margiela! Or even Ann Demeulemeester! I’m over it. And yet, I still get a thrill from Goony Bird. She still needs to pee, evidently. Pee already, Goony Bird!

Since I can’t get too excited over fashion at the moment, I’m spending more time looking at art and photography. Here is a beautiful image by Alberto Rugolotto. I’m calling it “La Pieta.” Click on it for maximum effect.

If I can’t buy clothes, I can at least appreciate it as modeled by good looking men.

I was a little taken aback this morning by this number (above,) the Tribal Beat Dress, among Shopbop‘s new arrivals. Is this Head Jutting Girl? I can’t even tell! Then, by a different “Designer” but on the same unfortunate theme, there is this:

The Zebra Romper. Imagine entering a room wearing the Zebra Romper with the Roomy Hooker Booties! What a wonderful statement….I would even go so far as to call it Effortlessly Chic!

What’s interesting to note is that Goony Bird has the ability to make a simple tank top look EVEN SCARIER!