Sea has been so busy scouring the earth for new finery that I can barely keep up with her. Just briefly, she was lucky enough to find a long skirt with a leopard   “climbing up it” as well as a weird yellow and black clown suit. She wore the clown suit with black lipstick in an obvious attempt to frighten me. However, after my run-in with the good folks of Dallas and the Aldridge Gang themselves, nothing seems scary anymore.

Sea reveled in her childlike art projects and showed us some icky caterpillars. She shared her make-up secrets and posted a ton of old family snapshots so that we might worship her more fully. Perhaps she will post her dental records and old school report cards!

Mom had a date while the girls were out of town, and it proved to be an effective diversion from all the tweeting. Mom’s sister took   a well-earned break from sending me rude comments about my age, which continues to spiral upward toward infinity.

Sea doesn’t like to post comments and god knows, comments can be a little…..nutty. But since she wants us to admire and adore her, we must respond to those efforts out of the goodness of our hearts. I will begin:

Dear Sea, I think you look really cute in the hooker outfit and you might want to pursue this age-appropriate look more often. If you and your gang of rabid followers had a sense of humor, life would be so much better! Can’t you guys snag one on ebay or something? Oh well, keep up the shopping and posing. I’m sure you’re a really good person deep down where the camera can’t reach. Love, Sister Wolf.

Several readers told me to go check out Mom of Shoes‘ new boots, so naturally I was curious enough to take a look. I left a nice comment but guess what? She deleted it! And not only that, she deleted another comment by someone else, who merely said she wasn’t crazy about the boots. Very, very sad.

Why have comments if you only print the supportive ones?!? What’s the point?

I wish I could remember my exact words! They were something like, “Don’t you worry that thigh high stiletto boots worn with fur will bring to mind hookers?” Then I added that every day, I myself have to fight off the temptation to dress like a prostitute or schoolgirl.

It’s not like I know a better way to wear thigh high boots. When I posted this photo back in October of 2008, a reader told me I looked like a drag queen.

I know Mom will be reading this, so let me just say:   Dear Mom, I was trying to be playful! You can dress like a hooker if you want! It’s better than looking like a drag queen, right? I hope you’re not mad about that awful bell-sleeved coat, because you’ll still make a bundle of money on it.   Love, SW

Secret Diary of a Call Girl is my new favorite TV show. I was put off by the name of the Showtime series but in the end, I simply can’t resist the actress in the title role. Billie Piper is new to me, but evidently she had a career as a teen pop singer in the UK. She also caused a scandal by marrying a creepy DJ/TV presenter named Chris Evans. His fame to me personally rests on the fact that my best friend once encountered him in an elevator, and his greeting to her was: “Nice tits, pet!” (I still enjoy saying this to her, obviously.)

Anyway, then Billie Piper had a role in Dr. Who and some other stuff. Now, in Secret Diary of a Call girl, she carries the entire show with her voice-overs, her comments into the camera, and her big pouty lips.

Her character, Belle, enjoys being a high-priced call girl but she is very sweet and unassuming. In fact, she is so vulnerable, you want to just pet her head the whole time. Even when she walks into a room wearing a bustier and high heels. There is something very wistful and wounded in Billie Piper or her character, I can’t tell which. She is slightly chubby (only slightly!) and her hairline is too low. She has a nice overbite, too.

She looks a little like a monkey, and I know this for a fact because even my husband admitted it. He usually never agrees with anything I say about actresses, like Julia Robert looks like a horse. But last night, his response to my monkey assessment was: “A little bit.”   This is a huge victory in itself.

Last night, Belle had to conduct a foursome with a married couple and her own ex-boyfriend (long story, you will have to watch the show.) Belle was charming, ladylike, lesbitious, slutty, and yet vaguely melancholy throughout. I don’t know how she does it.

Please take my advice and watch this show if you haven’t already. While you’re watching, ask your BF or husband is Billie Piper looks a little like a monkey.