Smile Makers are sex toys with a cutesy design and a “playful” concept: they are named after different male stereotypes, kind of like the Village People.

I don’t know much about sex toys and that’s the way I like it.  But I love internet generators. Smile Makers lets you design your fantasy man, and with only a limited set of options I still came up with a very nice facsimile of my personal dreamboat.  His name is Fernando, and he’s all mine. You can make your own here.

I’m disappointed in the choice of masculine archetypes, since I have no interest in tennis coaches or millionaires.  (I did have an adorable French boyfriend, back in the day, but he became hysterical when I got my period.) Where is the Poet, the Biker, the Revolutionary, the Pimp, the Grad Student?

Go make your own loverboy and let me know how it goes.

Here are the new houseboys for spring. Even if you’ve already done your spring cleaning, there is always more work to be done.

I like a  houseboy  who is sensitive but slightly feral.   Strong enough to move furniture but delicate in his facial features.

A good houseboy is comfortable enough in his masculinity to wear a veil or sarong or even high heels if necessary. It doesn’t hurt if he looks like Jimi Hendrix.

I don’t know all of their names, because names are just a distraction.

Do you see anything you like?

I’ve tried to include Houseboys for all tastes but in fact they are all my favorites for this week. They can serve drinks and do odd jobs around the house, like fluff up your pillows.

Take your pick and have a relaxing weekend.   xo

Short hair, long hair, it’s all good.

Crazy hair, too.

Oh, fuck it. I really like long hair.

When we look for Houseboys, we are demanding, even though it’s hard to find good help and vice versa.

We look for a certain attitude first. Dominant but servile. Masculine but sensitive. Then we make sure he has strong legs, because he’ll be scurrying around all day, freshening our drinks and fluffing the pillows.

We ask him if he minds dressing up, because a good Houseboy is obedient but also playful.

Finally, we make sure we can take him out on social occasions. That’s about it. Oh wait, did I forget about cooking and cleaning? Those are good skills to have, but not as important and enthusiasm, multitasking and being a team player!