Dear Fishface*,

Why?! Once upon a time, you had a normal face, a face that wouldn’t cause nightmares or thoughts of ‘Finding Nemo.’ Apparently, that wasn’t good enough for you.

Haven’t you seen what happened to Meg Ryan and Melanie Griffith? What about Courtney Love and Lisa Rinna? If you squirt fillers into your lips, you just look deformed. I’m pretty sure you didn’t ask some doctor to deliberately fuck up your face…although you seem a little unhinged, so maybe you did. In any case, you’re a total mess.

I hope your face will serve as a warning to women all over the world. I know it has made me rethink the idea of ‘cosmetic procedures.’ It’s much better to let your face get ruined by time, instead of paying someone to ruin it.

The tiny little nose was also a mistake, but still not as scary and horrifying as the lips. Where did you get the money to waste on this shit?!? Oh. never mind, you’ll only lie about it.

Listen, Fishface: I know everyone’s mad at you about the babies, but they wouldn’t be nearly as mad if you looked normal. I think you should consider your duckbill a public relations disaster as well as an aesthetic one. Personally, I wish I had never laid eyes on you. The only thing that has brought me comfort is this before and after look at Jessica Biel.

* thanks, Juri