I knew immediately that Jean-Paul Gaultier‘s spring 2012 couture collection was a tribute to Amy because I did the math. Behive + eyeliner+”Marilyn” stud = Amy Winehouse.

What a wonderful feast of crazy hives and mish-mash of retro vampy girly excess!

It makes me happy to know that Amy’s influence will live on. Her swagger and her vulnerability, her beautiful voice, her tiny little body supporting all that hair…she will haunt me forever. This collection is an  homage that’s right on point, as Amy liked to say of her beehive.

Lindsey Wixson is especially adorable in her purple hive and I can’t get  enough  of her.

Check out the beauty details here.

Also, did everyone see the new Karl Lagerfeld stuff at net-a porter this morning?   Horrible, right? What is he thinking?!   Please let me know if any other runway shows are worth looking at. Right now, I only have eyes for Amy.

No Eating is a powerful new play that has been described as a cross between No Exit and Gilligan’s Island, with echoes of Endgame in its theme of absurd futility.

Starring Kate Moss, Karl Lagerfeld, Carine Roitfeld (not pictured) and Beth Ditto, the non-action takes place on a desert island. Moss, Lagerfeld and Roitfeld refuse to acknowledge the presence of Ms. Ditto for the first two acts. Even when she sings into a bullhorn and flings her Fendi skirt at them, they continue to pretend she isn’t there.

In Act III, hunger has set in. Karl has given up looking for a helicopter to rescue him. He talks about his mother and blames her for everything. Kate starts to gnaw on her own foot, as Carine screams that she needs a scale to weigh everyone.

All at once, Kate and the two Felds notice Beth Ditto. Karl confuses her with Amy Winehouse; he is delirious from hunger. Kate and Carine tell Beth that she’s an icon, just like them. Beth sees the hunger in their eyes as they approach her, and warns that she is fattening.

The four castaways stare into space, realizing that hell is not other people, but oneself. Beth Ditto walks into the sea, either to survive as a human raft or to drown. The curtain falls to the muted strains of “Back to Black.”

Jessica Kagan Cushman is in trouble if Karl and Co. find out about this cuff bracelet, which says “Ripped off by by Chanel.”

When I was an eBay seller, I learned that Chanel protects its copyright so fiercely that eBay will ban you for attempting to sell a Chanel product. The attack is completely random: They will pounce on one seller while ignoring a million others. Twice, I listed pieces of genuine Chanel costume jewelry and each time the listing was removed with a warning and threat on behalf of Chanel. There was no avenue of appeal.   This is why those guys who sell fake handbags on street corners NEVER have any Chanel. If you dare to mention the name, you will only induce suspicion and/or terror. Try it!

It’s hard to give up on Chanel, though. Even though Coco Chanel consorted with Nazis, I continued to swoon at the sight of the double C. I have a pink Chanel handbag that is so poorly made, I’ve had to restore it three times. I have vintage Chanel jewelry that wouldn’t be worth anything without those little C’s.

Over time, I have learned that any idiot with a credit card can wear Chanel. The brand has lost its magic for me, especially now that Karl will befriend nearly any starlet who crosses his path. Remember when his muse was Selma Blair?!

This month, in Bazaar, Karl is giving out fashion advice. His answers are uniformly insulting and absurd.   “Please, your question is childish,” he replies testily. I would like to see him to go a little further next month with that imperious manner. Perhaps he could try “Oh god, why not shoot yourself, you peasant!” or “How dare you, stupid!”

Pretty soon, the only women carrying Chanel handbags will be wealthy Arabs and the Olsen Twins.   I think it’s over for Chanel, now that Lanvin and even Balmain are winning over all the It Girls. Who even wants to wear Chanel sunglasses at this point? I can’t believe how heartbroken I was the time I lost my Chanel sunglasses! I went out and replaced them immediately, only to find that I’d left the original pair in the fridge at work.

So long Chanel. It’s been real, and it’s been expensive.