It’s time to move on from the big black goat-hair coat.   It was fun for a while but now it’s sad.   Do any normal people wear them, or just fashion blogggers?

I don’t want to see any version of the Lita, or any clog hybrids.   No more talons, either. No more Alex Wang handbags and no more ratty leopard print jackets unless you’re Kate Moss.

What look or item would you like to banish for 2011?

*UPDATE – Shit, I just saw that the NYT did a piece on Ten Things they don’t want to see in 2011. It’s here.

What an arresting image! I love it.

Can any of you smart ones offer an exegesis?

Just when you forget to worry about the size of your butt, photos of famous butts rise up to remind you. Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell are both enjoying their holiday in Thailand, but only one of them has a butt worth showing off.

Kate Moss is a goddess as far as I’m concerned, but her butt speaks of long dormant months on a couch snorting coke. She has no muscle tone but plenty of cellulite.   Naomi may be a psychotic cunt, but try telling her butt that! It is perfection.

Today, I went for my first session of physical therapy post-hip injury, and I learned that my right gluteus medius muscle is now significantly weaker than my left one. If I don’t build it up through exercise, I WILL WALK FUNNY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! In fact I will have the Trendelenburg gait! As god is my witness, I don’t want the Trendelenburg gait, even more than I don’t want a sagging ass.

It’s unfair that women have to care about their asses when men get to walk around with any kind of ass. Even J Lo is being criticized for exhibiting a loss of ass-volume, as per this image from New Year’s Eve:

I would like to think that modern women are free of insecurity about their asses. I know there’s more to me than my butt. And yet…. As long as there are paparazzi around to document the fall of famous asses, I will be haunted by the worry of “How does my butt look in this?” I will feel judged by the state of my butt. It won’t matter what kind of person I am if my butt lacks merit.

First, I need to learn how to walk normally. Then, if I’m lucky, it’s back to being vain and superficial. I can’t wait!

No Eating is a powerful new play that has been described as a cross between No Exit and Gilligan’s Island, with echoes of Endgame in its theme of absurd futility.

Starring Kate Moss, Karl Lagerfeld, Carine Roitfeld (not pictured) and Beth Ditto, the non-action takes place on a desert island. Moss, Lagerfeld and Roitfeld refuse to acknowledge the presence of Ms. Ditto for the first two acts. Even when she sings into a bullhorn and flings her Fendi skirt at them, they continue to pretend she isn’t there.

In Act III, hunger has set in. Karl has given up looking for a helicopter to rescue him. He talks about his mother and blames her for everything. Kate starts to gnaw on her own foot, as Carine screams that she needs a scale to weigh everyone.

All at once, Kate and the two Felds notice Beth Ditto. Karl confuses her with Amy Winehouse; he is delirious from hunger. Kate and Carine tell Beth that she’s an icon, just like them. Beth sees the hunger in their eyes as they approach her, and warns that she is fattening.

The four castaways stare into space, realizing that hell is not other people, but oneself. Beth Ditto walks into the sea, either to survive as a human raft or to drown. The curtain falls to the muted strains of “Back to Black.”

Finally, we can expect the ‘It’ baby to arrive in 2008, courtesy of Tom Ford, onetime ‘It’ designer turned fragrance monger, who divulged his plans to Fantastic Man magazine.

Tom’s partner Richard Buckley doesn’t want a kid, but too bad for him, Tom says. “It’s going to give his life new meaning,” Tom states ominously. Furthermore, the baby will be Tom’s biological child.

Elsewhere in the interview, Tom notes: “I don’t find a guy’s cock or a  woman’s vagina  offensive.” That’s a relief!

Ironically enough, I find that statement offensive. I’m not sure why. Is it because he assigned a gender to the cock and vagina, to  clarify that he doesn’t like a woman’s cock or a man’s vagina? Or is it because he pairs a clinical word with a slang word?

In any case, Tom’s cock and someone’s vagina will undoubtedly play their respective roles in producing the ‘It’ baby, whose name will take its place with Suri, Zahara, Apple and the rest of them. If Shiloh is the Birkin bag of babies, what will Tom’s offspring be? Maybe this Mulberry  Bayswater.