Poor Melania. Don’t assume she’s a whore just because she’s whore-ish!

It’s not that she cares about her reputation, though; it’s the money. SHOW HER THE MONEY!

The new case, filed on Monday, states that Mrs. Trump:

had the unique, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, as an extremely famous and well-known person, as well as a former professional model, brand spokesperson and successful businesswoman, to launch a broad-based commercial brand in multiple product categories, each of which could have garnered multimillion-dollar business relationships for a multi-year term during which Plaintiff is one of the most photographed women in the world.

The products categories could have included apparel, accessories, jewelry, cosmetics, hair care and fragrance, among others.

Christ, why stop there? What about Melania dolls and dream-houses? What about Melania Schools of Nude Modeling? Or Melania Waxing Spas and Melania diction courses?

But wait.

Melania’s lawyer, Charles Harder, and a White House spokeswoman – in identically worded statements – both denied that Melania intends to profit while in her current position. This despite language used in the suit to imply she would be reaping millions in endorsement money while her husband is in office.

The first lady has no intention of using her position for profit and will not do so. Any statements to the contrary are being misinterpreted.

What? Make up your minds, you lying liars!

Those of you who were starting to feel sorry for Melania, viewing her as an unwilling captive in a bad marriage, wise up. Naturally, we are upset that any woman has to submit to that grotesque, reprehensible cunt.

But she’s an adult white woman with lawyers, and while she is no rocket surgeon, she can obviously recognize a front door.

Don’t cry for Melania. Save your tears for immigrants, American school children, the environment, healthcare, and the billions of pussies who don’t want to be grabbed or even photographed for the prurient interest of elderly wankers like her husband.

I’m siding with the Daily Mail, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity since in all other circumstances I despise them.

You?

Demi Moore has a lawyer and she’s not afraid to use him. She is threatening to sue the Internet for daring to accuse her of being photoshopped on the cover of W magazine. You can read her lawyer’s letter here.

Why does this woman get to be such an idiot?! Why doesn’t she have something better to do? Why are rich people so fucking delusional?

I’m sick of this bitch. I’m tired of her face, her child husband and her bad movies. I’m suing her ass.

Dear Mr Singer,

My client, Myself, is putting you on notice that unless your client, Ms. Moore, stops being a public nuisance, we will see you in court. My client has a right under the US Constitution to ‘the pursuit of happiness,’ which cannot be conducted under the present circumstances vis a vis Ms. Moore.

My client would like an apology from Ms. Moore for the continuing abuse of her celebrity. My client asks that Ms. Moore and that idiot she married stop tweeting, and tweeting about tweeting. They both need to go away and attend to the three daughters with the awful names and disfigured faces. They need to just shut the hell up, frankly, in order to restore my client’s relative serenity.

I really believe Demi Moore owes me an apology, along with Madonna, of course, who will have to kill herself on pay-per-view to make restitution for my pain and suffering.

Who owes you an apology?

“The denim company 7 For All Mankind is suing manufacturers who are knocking off their ass-embroidery branding….[they] filed a lawsuit against InDesign Apparel and Oleg Cassini for producing a line with back pockets that look exactly the same as their trademarked swoop and swirl.”

I didn’t even know how flattering this brand is until I asked my husband to take a photo of my ass.

I’m ready to testify for 7 jeans, should I be called upon to bring my ass as evidence.

~

p.s. Let us not forget there are idiots roaming the earth, and for them I suggest these limited edition Nudie Jeans for $699 at Tobi.com. Epic, right?