“Leather RtA skinny pants channel the grunge styling with a zip-off shirt panel around the waist trimmed with denim-style patch pockets.”

$1,232.00 at Shopbop.com

Here we are now, entertain us!

Okay, great. Nothing is better than a fashion hybrid that makes life more awkward and uncomfortable. Leather legging boots (try saying it three times, really fast) are a “creation” by Tamara Mellon that she describes as  “a thigh boot that pulls right up into a legging. You can wear a sweater over it or a big man’s shirt and there’s no gap.”

What gap?? She seems to think she has solved a problem, instead of causing a new one. The only way this creation could be more tragic would be an open toe.

Why didn’t Tamara Mellon go big and cut off the toe? Maybe the summer version will answer my prayers.

All I know about Tamara Mellon is that she used to own Jimmy Choo and she sued her mother for a billion dollars. But I am bracing myself for a deluge of Tamara Mellon crap, fawned over by it-girls, fashion editors and bloggers who describe their content as “The musings of a bla bla bla.”

$1,995 at Net-a-porter and ten sizes are already sold out.

Who can stop me from buying this leather jacket?  I have at least five leather jackets but not this one.

Step Two: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

I’m skipping Step One.

J Brand has started naming its pieces after famous people, offering an “Angelina Jumpsuit” and a “Halle Top.” But I’m only interested in the Bergman Leather Shorts.

Obviously, these shorts are problematic. The length is awful and who wants to spend $575 for a cheap-looking elastic waistband?

I just wish I knew which Bergman J Brand has in mind!

Ingmar Bergman? I can sort of imagine Death wearing leather shorts.

Or Ingrid Bergman? Why pick on her? She always dressed so beautifully!

What is your guess?

If you’re shopping for a poseur, this is the best coffee table book ever (not counting the billion dollar Mohammed Ali enterprise by Taschen, of course.) At $1,450, it is a lavish waste of money, the better to showcase his pretensions to coolness.

How awesome is it to add a studded leather cover to this book about leather motorcycle jackets? The only thing better would be to add the word “Moto,” which has somehow been overlooked. Oh well, you can’t have everything, even for $1,450.

Would you like to hear these two douches talk about their book? The one on the left reminds me of Bruno, and the other one is a classically annoying and self-important Brit with a fetish for punk. Go here.

Isn’t it funny how the harder you try to be cool, the uncooler you are?

I think I’m seeing a trend here…..

I was asked by the blond babe known as Rackk and Ruin what clothes I do like, so I looked through the images I’ve kept for inspiration (i.e., to make me feel sorry for myself.)

These two photos were styled by DisneyRollergirl for Reiss, and they struck me immediately as the way I want to look. Casual, tomboyish, classic with a twist.

This tartan wool biker jacket fits the same criteria. I wasn’t surprised to discover that Susie B actually owns this jacket by J.W. Anderson.

I like this Ruffian look for Fall: Ladylike tomboy with some offbet sexy elements.

I like this look from Sonia Rykeil. It combines my nun fetish with my schoolgirl fetish.

Simple soft black leather. Works with everything. Add a green leather jacket and some python boots, you’re good to go.

Just a great androgynous look I’d like to borrow. Not the hat, duh.

This painted leather jacket is the holy grail if you see it up close.   I’m letting my sister paint one of mine in the same colors and hoping it will work out.

JF and Son are   really on to something that speaks to me. Simple but dramatic,   boyish but sexy.

The shoes make this Louella outfit. Those shoes say, “Fuck you, I have silver winklepickers, bow down to me.”

Finally, just like every sucker, I’d like to imagine myself an Isabel Marant woman, carefree in butch jeans and boots with a casual $3,000 fur coat thrown on as an afterthought.

See? I’m not just about mocking bad fashion. I have my own hopes and dreams of leather, cashmere, Patti Smith, Keith Richard, Catholic schoolgirls, demure nuns and decadent furs.

Suggestions, insults, insincere compliments?

Of course, leather sweatpants, duh, what a no-brainer!

Who would like to try their hand at some Refinery 29 style prose for this…wardrobe essential?

($895 at Shopbop.)

for when you want to spend $445 to look like you’re wearing a bath towel.

by Haute Hippie at Shopbop.

I LOVE the text at Stylebop.com, a high-end shopping site based in Germany.   Maybe it’s the person who does the English translation, or maybe it’s silly in German too.   There is always something to delight. For example:

“no worries, this black leather top looks luxurious, expensive and noble and by no means cheap or slutty”

At $965, I should hope not!