If I confessed to buying this Gucci jacket for $3,500 you might be horrified, but you might also feel envious and a little impressed.

It’s so cute! It’s sporty but luxurious, classic but quirky, it’s ineffably Gucci.

Actually it’s a cheap $35 fake that’s available at my local mall, in a shop that appears to cater to prostitutes and would-be prostitutes. Everything is sparkly and hideous, in a good way.

So now you’re probably disgusted by this jacket because, ew, it’s not real Gucci, it’s just worthless crap.

See how you are?

Here’s the real Gucci:

Why is it worth $3,465 more?

You could say it’s the quality but we know that’s not true.

In order to gain and to hold the esteem of men it is not sufficient merely to possess wealth or power. The wealth or power must be put in evidence, for esteem is awarded only on evidence.

—?Thorstein Veblen, The Theory of the Leisure Class (1934 ed.), p. 36

Our clothes are still signifiers of wealth and class, even though any idiot with a credit card can own high-end consumer goods. And yet Gucci continues to exert its allure even though I know intellectually it’s just an overpriced brand with a brilliant ‘aspirational’ marketing campaign.

A million street-style pictures of girls decked out in Gucci have not been sufficient to ruin the allure, but it could happen.

I once longed for Chanel, and now it’s dead to me.

Is it better to want Gucci than to want Yeezy? Do brands have to matter? Don’t we know better?

Let me put it another way: Would you rather carry your shit in a paper bag than a bag by Michael Kors?

I hope we can all agree on that one!

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Imagine how upset I was to click on What’s New at net-a-porter only to find that I’d missed out on another impressive statement piece.   Those of you who rely on me for shopping tips, please try to understand.   I’m so busy doing nothing all day that it’s all too easy to shirk my duties.

Anyway, this fancy bustier by Dolce & Gabbana sold out at $13,760. I’m guessing there was only one.

It looks very nice with a simple black pencil skirt.

Why can’t we just decorate a bustier from the lingerie department with a couple of pounds of cheap costume jewelry from a thrift shop or the 99 Cent store? Let’s say the bustier is $50.

The white one comes in black, Macy’s for $55.   The black one is by Carnival, $38.

Another $50 should be enough for a pile of crappy jewelry and beads from a crafts store. Sew the shit on while you’re watching TV or arguing with your husband. Voila! You have saved enough for a new car, or to send your kid to college for one year (assuming you have scholarship money too.)

Now you are a hero instead of a chump! And when you wear it, your husband should prove to be very amiable and quick to see your point of view. A man who is immune to the power of lingerie is not a man worth having.

My key impression of the Hermes Fall 2011 photos was : This shit is for rich people who want you to know it. The outfits scream. “Fuck you! I have money!”

Other designers also reek of big money but at  least  it’s money with creativity or daring of some kind. The Hermes woman must be determined to remind us that she is upper class and super-wealthy.

I was pleased to find my impression supported by an article about Hermes and its dread of being available to the masses like that crass Louis Vuitton.

The Hermes family is militantly opposed to being controlled by LVMH, which now owns 17% of the company.

“There is a part of our world that is playing on abundance, on glitz and glamour,” Patrick Thomas, the Hermès’s chief executive, said during an interview the week before Mr. Galliano was fired. “And there is another part that is concentrated on refinement, and basically making beautiful objects.”

God forbid that Hermes ever make an affordable line of handbags. It would be the end of Hermes, Mr. Thomas declares. “It’s not a financial fight, because we would lose that. It’s a cultural fight.”

It seems particularly obnoxious, given the state of the world today, for this kind of class conflict among luxury brands. I’m beginning to hate the rich more than I used to. They don’t want to be taxed, they don’t want anyone to afford their stupid handbags, but they have nothing to offer us as a culture or society.

Fuckers. I hope Berhard Arnault takes over Hermes. “Refinement” is just elitism in their definition, and it’s time for the super rich to be ashamed of their extravagance.   Let them not eat cake.