Godammit, why am I the last to know EVERYTHING? Did you guys know there’s another Hadid sister besides Gigi and Bella? This is too much. Or rather, too many. Three too many, actually.

Until recently, I knew next to nothing about Bella. Gigi was the one I thought of as the blight on youth culture and fashion. Her soft butterface is everywhere. She always has the same expression, like she’s not quite awake. She looks like a spoiled rich kid from some obscure Eastern European republic. And she’s often pictured with Kendall Jenner, striding down a street pretending not to notice the paparazzi.

She is also the face of Maybelline or Cover Girl, tainting all my magazines with her sullen pout and weirdly arched eyebrows. She makes me remember that I used to watch the Housewives of Beverly Hills, which featured her mom, a giant blonde gold-digger who I suspected of being a man.

I was vaguely aware of Bella, who is kind of the consolation-prize sister, not blonde and not as pubescently squishy. It turns out that Bella is a big deal in her own right. She’s probably dating an important hip hop artist or NBA star.

My adopted daughter Ali told me about an interview Bella did with Complex magazine that had caused a ruckus. When I hesitated, explaining that I was detoxing from  celebrities, she assured me that it had deep cultural relevance, and she was right.

Bella is the stupidest girl in the world. You will cringe and you will wish you were never born but you will thank me for posting this video.Without it, you just can’t grasp what the world has come to.

So that’s Bella.

But why do we need Alana? What’s the point of her? Why doesn’t she change her name and move somewhere out of the spotlight? I think she’s pretending to be a designer of some kind but I want to not think about her. You can read about her here but don’t come back and tell me anything.

What if there’s a fourth sister?!??

These Hadid girls are a symbol of our decline as much as Donald Trump is, all of them nails in the coffin of civilization.  Thoughts and prayers to all us.

Here is a model named Jazzma who’s been hanging out with a billionaire whose longtime girlfriend is Naomi Campbell. I snickered at the deforming photoshopped picture of Jazzma, and googled to see what she really looks like.

Wow, right? Look at that midsection. It’s like she’s a LIVING photoshop creation!

If I could photoshop my body, I’d give myself big boobs and toned thighs, and I’d stay away from Naomi Campbell’s boyfriend.

What about you?

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this picture and thought, “Who the fuck is this guy and why is he everywhere?” I have just now inadvertently  discovered his identity: Francois Verkerk, a model.

I was pretty sure that he was a vintage guy but now I know he’s contemporary, I don’t know what to think. I think I hate him. What an ass.

On the other hand…. I do like a dandy when he has the goods to pull it off. But no, no. I want to kill him.

What’s your take?

This photo in the Daily Mail is accompanied by the tragic story of twins who have suffered from anorexia for twenty years.   It’s a disturbing story that touches on sibling rivalry, parental enabling, and the failure of all mechanisms to heal the victims of our culture’s obsession with beauty.

If you read the story, you’ll notice images on the right-hand side of the page, mostly celebrities chosen by the Daily Mail to ridicule for their weight gain, plastic surgery or cankles.   The message is clear: There is no escape from the search for physical perfection. No escape and no winning either.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a photography exhibit called Beauty and Culture that examines the many ways that images work to influence our concept of beauty. The exhibit featured a short documentary that was truly devastating. Five year old beauty queens, cancer survivors, ancient women still trying to look young, and a history of evolving thinness in fashion models…it leaves you sickened by the shit we go through to measure up to a stupid restrictive ideal of beauty.

The documentary points out that only 2 percent of women are built like fashion models. Why do these models have so much power over us?!

You know the “It Gets Better” campaign for gays? We also need a campaign for women that says:YOU LOOK FINE! Maybe if we were reminded 100 times a day that we are okay as we are, we could forget about the size of our butts.

When we left the exhibit, my friend and I looked for somewhere to have coffee. We found a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, where they display calorie counts with their pastries. Naturally, I freaked out and ordered a reduced-calorie muffin, because no matter what I know intellectually, deep down in my psyche I’m an unlovable fat pig.

I would like to thank Vogue, Glamour, the fashion industry and most of all my dad, who loved to drive around shouting “Look at the fat ass on that one!” I can relate to those poor  emaciated  twins, even though I’m a normal size. Accepting  yourself  can be a lifelong project.

I’m looking forward to V Magazine’s “Asian Issue,” available May 12. Ten per cent of the proceeds will go to help Japan, so you can feel virtuous while admiring a group of stunning Asian models.

But is it racist to admire Asian Models? Should we view and/or judge them individually? Are we divesting these models of their  individuality when we lump them together as Asian? And what about the fact of their nationality? Korea, Japan, China, etc are different countries with different cultures. I wonder how I’d feel about a “Jewish Issue,” even though I know it’s not the same thing.

I love several Asian models: Shu Pei, Ming Xi, Du Juan, Liu Wen, and Sui He, just to name a few. They are breathtakingly beautiful! I have blogged about beautiful Asian men, and here’s another one, Paolo Roldan.

I am even willing to say that generally speaking, a beautiful Asian face is more compelling to me than a beautiful   “White” face.

Thoughts, complaints or insults?

He’s hot, Asian, and androgynous.

He’s friends with Andrej. Maybe they talk about their hair?

If the Lord didn’t want me to long for David Chiang, He wouldn’t have given me eyes.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve figured out why I find Abby Lee Kershaw so irresistible.

She looks like a baby. You know all those studies that demonstrate the appeal of baby-like faces? Because we’re instinctively drawn to baby faces? Otherwise we might abandon babies when they cry for ten hours straight or something?

Abby Lee is a perfect baby. I love her. I wish I could open the front door tomorrow morning and find her in a basket, with a letter from the stork!

With three of them, I’m actually getting confused.

First they give her polio by photoshopping that leg. Then, if that’s not enough, they give her extensions!

I say, Let Goony be Goony! Don’t fuck with her.

I may have to write a heartfelt letter to Shopbop.

Meanwhile, meet two lessor Shopbop models:   Kristen Stewart Girl and Jeniffer Aniston Girl.