I am planning to work on a thorough and definitive study of Hipsters, but naturally I’m putting it off,   because it involves a lot of work.

However, I think we can all agree for now that a Hipster is someone else, not oneself.   It’s someone we disdain, in the same way we once disdained Yuppies. Hipsters can be described as people who are already sick of something you have only just discovered.

Tonight, my nephew came over and found me at my computer, enraged by some shit I was reading. I started ranting about how much I hate the way Hipsters have to covet and collect things that might be considered morbid: old medical instruments, taxidermy, creepy shit like this nineteenth century Japanese pregnancy doll.

He rolled his eyes and said dismissively: “That was hip maybe twenty years ago.”

I got very excited, having trapped a live Hipster in the act of being a Hipster! I asked him to tell me what was hip RIGHT NOW, this week, and I even promised not to reveal the valuable secret. He told me that he’d have to think about it. Then we went out to have dinner and I got drunk.

While drunk, I accused him of being a crypto-Hipster, which was so satisfying that I didn’t even care about his denial as the conversation drifted to post post post-modernism. Please feel free to go around slandering and annoying your loved ones with this useful new insult (which I thought I made up before googling it and seeing that it already exists.)

Tonight I went to see my Living Idol, Patti Smith, and as always it was a transcendent experience.

To top it off, I came upon this kindred spirit, who was nice enough to pose with me.   My nephew was wearing his official PAP Smear T-shirt, too!

Doesn’t the cunt-guy look familiar?? We feel we’ve seen him somewhere. Cunt-guy, if you read this, report to PAP Smear headquarters immediately.