That horrible Palin woman is finally unraveling before our eyes, and I can only think it’s the brave members of PAP Smear who are behind this holy miracle!

Today, Tanning-gate (the news that Mrs. P installed a tanning bed in the governor’s mansion) spread like wildfire across cyberspace.   Is this the famously frugal governor who tried to sell a plane on eBay? Or is it the nutty behavior of an ex-beauty queen who puts her looks before cancer? I LOVE IT.

I also love how her claim that Alaska produces 20% of the country’s energy has been debunked: that figure would actually be 3%.

Troopergate: Now she refuses to speak to investigators because she says the whole investigation is “tainted.” Of course it’s tainted, you lying moron! It’s tainted by your own deceitful machinations.

While all this wonderful shit is hitting the fan, I am secretly a little in awe of Mrs. P. Earlier this evening, I decided to be Sarah Palin, and it was much harder than I expected. Both of my sons were hanging out, burning or ripping CD’s, but neither of them wanted to stop for a moment to take a photo for me. It took a lot of whining on my part, a phone-call to my husband to allow the use of his camera, complaints from one son while the other started lecturing that no one walks the dog enough.

Giving up on the photo, I started cooking dinner. Somehow, the cross-complaining and phone-calling got me so anxious that I dropped a steak on the floor while trying to flip it over. I screamed and washed it off before returning it to the frying pan.   The sons walked the dog together and ate the steaks, but I was through trying to be Sarah Palin.

I have no idea how this bitch manages a household of four children and one grandchild, a job, rifles and hunting knives, a tanning bed and who know how much else.   Oh god, I forgot about going to church. This bitch is a damn efficient multitasker, let us give her that.

But even as we watch the lies come to light, the stupidity on display as she refuses to speak to members of the press, we must remain vigilant, PAP Smear members! It will be a wild ride of swiftboating as election day looms closer. We need to continue to cause trouble for Palin, no matter how golden her tan.

Has anyone got anything to report? Someone will take the minutes, maybe Bex or Najda? Okay good. We are very very lucky to have Imelda Matt on board, and I don’t need to tell you about his work with a taser. Annemarie, can you create an important position for Imelda? She has the experience we need, and she MAY even be able to see Russia or some other big land mass from her bedroom window!

Thanks to the creative thinking of reader ‘annemarie’, I hereby announce the formation of PAP Smear, a non-profit organization devoted to Swiftboating the Republican candidate for Vice President. Patriots Against Palin will strategically deploy facts and rumors devised to undermine her candidacy. We will use the public record and our own fevered imaginations to smear her reputation, such as it is.

I will be PAP Smear’s CEO. Just nominate yourselves for the position you are most unfit for (a tribute to Palin herself!) If you’re bad with numbers, you can be the treasurer, and so on. However, we do need someone who is good at graphic design to create our logo.

Please take a moment from your busy lives to sign up! Sister Wolf will review your applications and announce the executive and staff positions on Monday night.

If you’re sick of politics, let’s focus on fashion instead! Just when I thought I’d found a leopard print item I might wear without looking like Peg Bundy or Jackie Collins, it turned out that Zenggi won’t ship to the US. Fuckers!   I still want the dress, from by Malene Birger.