I don’t want a t-shirt with holes, but I have around 50 of them anyway. All the holes are in the same place: on the front, a little below the waist.

Last year, a friend told me that she had the same problem and I was amazed by her analysis of it: The holes were caused by the zippers of our low-cut jeans. Looking back, I can’t believe I went along with this. It sounded so brilliant at the time, and it was nice to solve the mystery.

At some point, I realized that it wasn’t about zippers. More and more of my t-shirts sprouted the same tiny holes. And the holes are multiplying but staying roughly in the same place. Sitting in the car with my husband yesterday, I noticed a hole in one of my newer t-shirts and cursed. I explained the phenomenon, and joked that maybe it was my belly button. Maybe I have a toxic belly button! My son suggested that maybe it emits radioactive waves.

I decided to google “why are there holes in my t-shirts,” and landed on a forum where people discussed the holey t-shirt mystery. Their theories ranged from logical to absurd. Seatbelts, third-world shoddiness, kitchen counters, harsh laundry soap, the theories were offered up and then shot down by other commenters.

Finally, I came to this revelation:

Silverfish. They eat ONLY cotton and similar vegetable based natural fabrics such as rayon, they especially eat clothing that hasn’t been recently washed. They eat mostly around the bottom of the shirt because of oils and dirt from your belly button sticking to the fabric.

The “oils and dirt” from my belly button?!? Silverfish?!?

I googled silverfish and found an eco friendly product to kill them with. I can’t even think about my belly button.

Christopher Lee Suave is an artist who recently designed this t-shirt, a “commentary on the Terry Richardson scandal,” according to Fashionista.   Lauren Sherman asks Suave, “What made you take on the whole Terry Richardson thing?”

Suave answers: “I was reading all the articles on numerous blogs, and I started talking to people socially at parties, that sort of thing, who it had actually happened. I’m not trying to be insensitive at all. I do this sort of thing, I make art like this because it gets people talking. Whether you’re pro-Terry or not, this whole thing says something about the psyche of our society.”

Hahaha! “I do this sort of thing…” Yep, evidently, you do. Then, you sell the t-shirts for $65.

The Whole Terry Richardson Thing isn’t over, because it’s not an episode on a TV show. It’s real life and it goes on and on and on.

The Cut recently talked to Sleazeball Faux-Hipster and Terry Richardson crony Oliver Zahm, whose date chimed in about The Whole Richardson Thing with:

“I feel like you cant blame anyone for your own actions, and I feel like, you know, I’ve worked with people who I could easily say exploited me, but at the same time, I was willing to be exploited. And I decided to heal from those experiences on my own, and not to make them a public affair.”

You may have to read that quote twice to believe your own eyes.

There are so many cunts in this story, I can’t even keep track of them, but for now I’m sticking with Suave.

Jesus. Ugh.

“Exclusive tribute tee to Alexander McQueen; crew neck tee reading “Fashion Is Suicide” on front and “Fashion Is Not Suicide, R.I.P. A. McQueen” on back; 100% cotton.”

By Dimepiece Designs.   $42 at Karmaloop

when you’re 56 and just finished a brutal workout.

Just a reminder to doubters.   xo

Branding is so important, blah blah blah. You love Godammit dot com, so imagine how much you’ll love a genuine Sister Wolf t-shirt!

Is this the greatest design in the history of the world?! I think so, too. (Credit goes to my Webmaster) I need to choose a manufacturer for this project, and then before you know it, you’ll be able to buy a t-shirt for yourself and your loved ones.

100% of the profits will go to the Cause, i.e. staying out of debtors’ prison.

YES, you would buy one; or NO, go fuck myself?

It goes with everything, and it’s only $24 at Urban Outfitters.

Once I saw this fantastic t-shirt, I couldn’t resist fucking around.

You can design ANYTHING at zazzle.com, even if you don’t really plan to buy or sell it.   (I can already hear a heckler going, “Don’t you have a job???”)   (No! Not at the moment.)