I can’t understand anti-monarchist sentiments, when the Queen of England has given us all so much pleasure. I first fell for her in 1982, when some guy broke into her bedroom at Buckingham Palace, and she calmly spoke to him for ten minutes until someone came in and rescued her. What a mensch, or whatever you call a woman who can handle shit like this without getting ruffled!

I also like how she won’t let go of her handbag. This is a woman whose handbag will never, ever be sat upon by some fat bitch at a dinner party. People always like to wonder what she keeps in her bag, but I couldn’t care less. I’d rather know what brand she likes, besides Launer.   As we all know, Lady Di loved Lana Marx bags, and who wouldn’t??

My brother-in-law received an OBE or MBE from the Queen, who pinned a medal to his coat (unless I dreamt that part…he did show me the medal in its special box, though.) So that makes me feel close to her. Her husband is a different story. Why does he look like a Nazi war criminal? Not that he isn’t a fun person in his own right; here is a list of some of his famous   gaffes, which tend to be racist in nature. One can only imagine what he said to Her Majesty after their meeting with the Obama’s.

I like to think she gave him a little smack and replied, “Oh Philip, don’t be a cunt!”