helenwaite – I am humbled by your humility Your turn!

Wisecracks divide sheep from goats.
Now, whichever varmint you prefer, is up to you.

Something I like? Animal Kingdom!

Helen Waite – Oh my god, yes on luxury, flagship, and speaks-to! What a wonderfully discerning ear! You should be writing this blog instead of me.

Suspended – I knew you had it in you, and I love that you threw in Skrillex! Very comprehensive list, A+

Emily – Lifestyle brands, wtf?!? I’ve only recently discovered this awful development.

Simone – All the housewives should die, imo. And your ass is goning to be on my next hate list.

Beannie – Ditto! Journey is bullshit, and I am rarely present or mindful. I am absent in fact, nearly all of the time. I am absent on my own Journey.

I hate morons telling me about their ‘journey’. It was just time passing you wanker. Some good and bad stuff happened. Please don’t make me listen to it.

I despise being ‘present’ or ‘mindful’. Our minds are a pretty awful place if we dwell there too long.

Gluten Free & Sadly Also Gluten – Once I too hated gluten-free. Alas, now gluten hates me. I deeply resent this development and dream of pierogis.

The Kardashian Empire – Only because they are NOT GOOD TV. We stare into the void of an unremarkable family, discussing sex as though they were frigid, picking at literally the worst salads in Calabasas, sipping iced beverages, staring at their phones.
In the Real Housewives of NY, by contrast, someone yanked off and threw her prosthetic leg at a gala. This is what I am looking for in TV.

On the other hand, the Kardashians have moved the bar so that now my butt appears a normal size.

Hate shaming

Lulamon

Articles that tell me 10 things not to say to various people in a variety of different situations

Open letters

Facebook

Lifestyle brands

Elaborate braids

Lunch in jars or special containers

Water bottles that clack and clink during meetings. You will not dehydrate in 60 minutes!

Hot coffee slurpers

People who reheat pasta in the staff room and stir it around, one of the sickest sounds in all the land

Probiotics

Carbs

The Today Show

Entertainment Tonight

Kim Kardashian’s ass

Trump and Hilary

People who drink PBR in all seriousness

McDonald’s shaming. You liars, I know you love an egg mcmuffin!

Hash tags unless in jest

I love all of the lists here. #keephatealive

Flip-Flops (anywhere but the beach.)
Rotund people in Lycra (Hey, Kamantha five bellies, tight clothes don’t make you look slimmer.)
Parents who are scared of their kids (grow a fucking pair. They’ll love you for it.)
Unclean summer smells (check your oxters.)
Shabby Chic (that shit is still a thing thanks to chintzy 50somethings. Some stupid bitch has even copy-written the term, too. Fuckwit!)
Camel toe in anything other than velour (because then I can imaging it’s a Jim Henson puppet and have a conversation with it.)
Skrillex
School (yeah, it’s been a long time, but it was shit.)
Unexpected bills (they ruin the art of surprise.)
Loose change (it pulls down my trousers.)
Lubin Itasca (blind buy, it smells like Caron’s L’Anarchiste which I own and dislike. So that’s two full bottles of unwearable. Beautiful bottles, none the less, but I want fine aromas not ornaments.)
Wasting money (actually, I love this but I hate the consequences.)
Growing old (I’m tired of passing mirrors/shop windows and getting the kind of fright only a spectre should be capable of providing.)
Fat shaming (Why is the word fat suddenly allowed? Shouldn’t it be ‘Real Women’ shaming. I guess ‘fat’ is ok when you are pretending to be a victim of something other than your own greed. Fat fucking arseholes.)
Sharpies (I have very little use for them but they seduce me with their colour-ways and now I have a full drawer devoted to them. Pointless!)
Unicycles (they’re clearly made for tall people, which I am not.)
Polystyrene (it’s totally evil! I hate the way those wee balls stick to you. Get to fuck, stalker packaging!)
Spilled sugar or salt underfoot (makes my blood run cold.)
The media
Sexy
Prosecco (stop pretending you’re Champagne. You are no better than Cava! Well, maybe marginally better.)
Bad footwear (I’m looking at you Ugg, Croc, Birkenstock…)

As you can see, I’m very political.

I’ll end on something I love…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic9f7XRRhx0
This song makes me feel like I’m in Studio 54 and Bianca Jagger wants to blow me off (cause she’s wasted and thinks I’m Bryan Ferry.)