Comments on: Welcome to PTSD

By: Dani

Dani — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 04:24:45 +0000

“Broken floorboord laughter in the drying spit of a deafening noon
beats down on your 3rd birthday with icing that carved
loud lacerations of colour in your childhood like you were something special
something more than shivering meat in a court… of screens

Fleecy lungs howl to the button moon
and we’re all princes of a private language
that paints our graves with bright and obscure disaster
and cools the ennui afternoon like a lost plastic toy charged with love

We were worth being lost all along.”

– Arthur Rimbaud

By: Andra

Andra — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:49:42 +0000

Tallulah honey, you’re a gem.

By: Tallulah Eulallie

Tallulah Eulallie — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 06:02:44 +0000

I’m so glad you have found a group of caring souls to help you. PTSD is horrific; I suffered from it myself. I was a battered wife. For years afterward, loud noises and sudden movements would still send me into a full-blown panic. Although I will never “get over” what happened to me, the passage of time, a lot of hard work on my part, and the loving support and acceptance of people like those in your group have helped me get through the worst of it. (Although, the sound of a garage door opening still makes me queasy.) Since then, I have done work at my city’s rape crisis center as a crisis counselor and victim’s advocate. (Like Annie Dillard said, “Pain is a terrible thing to waste.” I’m damned sure not gonna waste mine.) I can tell you that what you are experiencing is a perfectly normal reaction, and it does not mean that you are crazy, nor does it mean that you are weak. All of those emotions? You have a right to feel every goddamn one of them, even the ugly ones you can’t even name. You will work through this in your own time, and those who care for you will be patient. Please try to be patient with yourself.

By: Layla

Layla — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 14:46:58 +0000

oh gosh, you are really very BRAVE to keep up with the blog & it all through all this!!

I just couldn’t post after Granny died, and it’s probably even worse after losing a son…

I think I’ve had PTSD too, several times, not really officially diagnosed cause I never dared to go to someone qualified for this (didn’t want to be pushed pills or such) so I just went gluten-free after this last time (couldn’t stop crying otherwise) and maybe the trick is ‘tunnel vision’.. and finding comfort in other things, yup.. For me, going through Granny’s stuff was immensely difficult (we had to empty the flat) but in a way healing too.. And just being there, in peace and ever-decreasing furniture.. Unfortunately now I gotta figure out what to do with all the ‘stuff’ and furniture yikes!! 🙂 so, more uncluttering is needed…

Dunno, if in crisis, declutter?* Good to know you got a supportive group too!!

*(I googled ‘Lifestyle Makeover’ and all those sites said to declutter first too, hmm? So I did and found some keys and other stuff I thought I’d lost, lol! And a bit more inspiration…) Take care, bookmarking your site!!

By: Make Do Style

Make Do Style — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 09:25:05 +0000

How could I have forgotten the hip! And the pelvis before – that’s how I found you sitting on a kamode ‘cos KOS said how awful it was for you to break your pelvis.

I suffered with PTSD – on a minor level, not over death, nor over the death of ones son, and it was accumulative – so I can imagine the horror you are experiencing but please please please know you are not a failure. I will say it again and again it was not up to you to keep Max alive. You have to forgive yourself for anything your think you might have done better because we all might have done better in everything with everyone and all things we had.

much love
xx

By: Sister Wolf

Sister Wolf — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 08:02:20 +0000

Penny Dreadful – Thank you xo

K-line – Thank you, xo

Ann -The nail is icky. xoxo

Jill – Ha!

Cricket9 – Thank you, xo

Suebob – I remember “I asshole” from your blogroll. Best blog title ever.

Sam – You have inspired a whole post with this comment! xo

MG – They are all insane, thank god.

Aja – Thank you, xo

regularstarfish – Thank you, xo

Make Do – Plus remember when I broke my hi in the middle of everything?!? Still hurts. Another trauma.

betina – Oh, no no no, can’t even bear the trailer.

Kelly – Oh dear. Thank you, xo

Patni – I’m glad you’re doing better, xo

Dave C – Thank you so much. Yep, he is a good one. xo

Catherine – Thank you for thinking about Max, it means so much to me, xo

Sheri – Being a good mother, to me, would be mean keeping your kids alive. I am a failure in this and I have to accept it somehow.

Eri – Thank you for your support, xoxo

Andra – I count you as a blessing. And I agree about Duff.

Desiree – He is so lucky to have you. So sorry he has suffered so much!

Lara – Thank you, xo

Style Odyssey – Thank you, I will, xo

Harmreduction – xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

By: Harmreduction

Harmreduction — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 07:14:59 +0000

Yeah you!!!!
I am so happy you have found a group.
It is an awesome step.
OUCH, FUCK FUCK FUCK- ow ow ow- so sorry about the nail. I remember sometimes I would be grateful for a physical injury in order to externalize my pain. One of my cray-cray things, not necessasaruly yours, sister. I just selfishly need to keep reading your thoughts.
Thank you for letting me.

By: style odyssey

style odyssey — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 04:15:03 +0000

i always figured that “lashing out” is one of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress. i’ve seen it occur in my own family during a very tragic and sudden loss. i suppose it’s a way of coping- regaining that sense of control- in a hopeless situation.

i hope you find the comfort, understanding and support from this group. it sounds like just what you need right now.

keep us posted, won’t you?

By: Lara

Lara — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 02:09:01 +0000

So glad you went to a meeting. I think the majority of us who read your blog try to empathize as much as possible but most of us have no idea what you’re feeling deep down.
xoxo

By: Desiree

Desiree — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 00:50:46 +0000

I nearly cried with relief at this post. I’m glad you’ve found a group of people that are going through similar symptoms of mind-numbing grief and you feel you can share something with them. Sorry if that makes me sound like a git. I’m full-time carer to my partner who has been suffering from PTSD for a decade and is diagnosed with morbid major depression (dr’s words not mine). On top of that severe Type A haemophilia – part of the lost generation lucky to have escaped copping HIV with infected Factor VIII in the 80s. Like you, he has no idea at what point the PTSD kicked off – we suspect child sexual abuse with PTSD triggered by solely caring for his young wife through ovarian & bowel cancer and literally trying to put her body back together during her final days in a remote Scottish house during an Easter weekend. Needless to say, he’s very ill. I’m not a professional in any way qualified to treat his condition – his shrink is great, but in the end it’s up to my fella and I to muddle through. I’m sorry for banging on. My love has just fallen asleep after an early morning hour-long PTSD rant and I have no one to talk to. I’m sorry for making this about me Sister. I just feel I can relate to you what you might be feeling. I’m not really an arsehole. xo