My brother & only sibling killed himself this summer. I still blame myself, and am demonizing myself without mercy because there is no one else- as nonsensical as that is. I have forgiven him, as I know his suffering was so great that to leave this world was a small mercy. I know that when he died it was not his sickness that made that choice, but a rational part of him making an informed choice, as he knew his options here on earth were grim.

We (in Canada anyways) are considering legalizing euthanasia for the horrific and torturous illnesses that can’t be cured, but not for illness of the mind. Someone pointed out to me that since we do not institutionalize the mentally ill anymore, that there are no (or very few) elderly schizophrenics….

I hope if I read enough about other people getting through, it will help. Again, thank you for your honesty and for sharing this part of yourself. As a mother, I can only say your forgiveness is inspirational and so full of love. I am so sorry for your loss.

keeping distracted is definitely the best way to deal with negative thoughts that relate to anxiety, so maybe it’s the best way to deal with grief as well. either way, I hope both of you are able to find some peace eventually.

I have struggled with my concept of self worth since I was a child that left me fairly emotionally isolated. I had more recently been in a long term volatile and abusive relationship. The day I felt nearly driven to relieve myself of the misery by ending my life, was beyond a rude awakening. The amount of anguish and sorrow that I had been internalizing, was becoming so burdensome. It’s such an indescribable isolating and alienating feeling. Thankfully, I have become encouraged in different ways (namely spiritual) that have granted me perspective that has been liberating. My heart grows very heavy and breaks when I imagine the kind of pain one feels that drives them to the point of suicide, understanding the clawing desperation in that desire for liberation.