{"id":10149,"date":"2014-03-03T17:27:18","date_gmt":"2014-03-04T01:27:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=10149"},"modified":"2014-03-03T17:27:18","modified_gmt":"2014-03-04T01:27:18","slug":"acadamy-awards-2014-exegesis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/acadamy-awards-2014-exegesis\/","title":{"rendered":"Acadamy Awards 2014 Exegesis"},"content":{"rendered":"

For me, this year’s show was all about Angelina<\/strong>‘s new boobs. I admit I have an unhealthy fixation on them. I just can’t get past the disproportionate size of them.<\/p>\n

I believe that her surgery was just an excuse to get a new pair of whopping big tits, and god bless her for them, just don’t expect a Nobel prize for wanting enormous implants.<\/p>\n

Somewhere, my sister saw a headline that read “Angie fearlessly displays her decolletage..” when the correct verb is “determinedly” or “insistently.” I’m disappointed that she didn’t get them out for a photo op but oh well, there’s still time for that.<\/p>\n

Moving on to the awards, Lupita Nyong’o<\/strong> was absolutely stunning in pale blue Prada. What a charming and delightful person, I had no idea! Jared Leto<\/strong> was a dish of androgynous goodness as he delivered a wonderful tribute to him mom. Matthew <\/strong><\/span>McConaughey<\/strong> seemed nuts and Cate Blanchette<\/strong> proved that Woody Allen<\/strong> can do anything to anyone and still be the object of Hollywood’s slobbering admiration.
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Most Messed-Up face goes to Kim Novak<\/strong>, with Goldie Hawn<\/strong> a close runner-up. Amy Adams<\/strong> looked fabulous and Sandra Bullock<\/strong> looked predictably blah and waxy, while Julia Roberts<\/strong> went all out to look frumpy and horse-faced.<\/p>\n

Daniel Day Lewis<\/strong> is still hot in an old man kind of way, demonstrating for Harrison Ford<\/strong> that an earring is the wrong way to go. Brad Pitt<\/strong> needs to explain that awful hairstyle and I want it witnessed and notarized.<\/p>\n

I had to cover my face upon seeing the tearful eyes of Barkhad Abdi,<\/strong> the guy who played the Somalian pirate. I need him to be happy! I hope he will go on to have a career in acting, instead of just being a novelty in a Tom Hanks<\/strong> movie.
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Finally, it was a relief to only have to see Bono<\/strong> onstage once. It could have been so much worse.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"