{"id":10245,"date":"2014-05-06T01:49:33","date_gmt":"2014-05-06T09:49:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=10245"},"modified":"2014-05-07T01:52:36","modified_gmt":"2014-05-07T09:52:36","slug":"met-gala-2014-exegesis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/met-gala-2014-exegesis\/","title":{"rendered":"Met Gala 2014 Exegesis"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/a><\/p>\n Why doesn’t anyone tell Donatella<\/strong> that she looks like a Muppet? Is she too important? Or is it just too painful to deal with?<\/p>\n I know I’d want someone to tell me.\u00a0 If I went around looking like a Muppet, it would mean that I had lost my mind and needed help. Maybe celebrities in the fashion world don’t like to help each other.<\/p>\n I like helping. I am here to help, you could even say. So, here comes my exegesis of tonight’s event:<\/p>\n Katie Holmes, are you fucking blind???<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n God, get Tom’s stylists, can’t you? You will never live this one down.<\/p>\n Kristen Stewart, I don’t want to hear your excuse. There is<\/em> no excuse. Zero out of ten.<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Kim K<\/strong>,\u00a0 you look like a big blue whale. Super not-good. Please, please, go away.<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Lots of other attendees looked awful, crazy, or boring. Johnny Depp<\/strong> looked awful, crazy and alarmingly ancient. That girl will definitely dump him. Who wants to put some money on it? Lupita Nyongo<\/strong> wore a tragic outfit by Prada that looked like a bad Halloween costume for an Indian Maiden, but everyone had to go “You know, she pulled it off, that’s how great she is!”<\/p>\n The obvious winner, who does not need my help, was Bee Shaffer<\/strong>, who outdid herself in a beautiful regal gown with a long train. Bryanboy<\/strong> called it early in the evening. Let’s all admire Bee while we try to forgive her mother for being Anna Wintour<\/strong>.<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Why doesn’t anyone tell Donatella that she looks like a Muppet? Is she too important? Or is it just too painful to deal with? I know I’d want someone to tell me.\u00a0 If I went around looking like a Muppet, … Continue reading