{"id":10245,"date":"2014-05-06T01:49:33","date_gmt":"2014-05-06T09:49:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=10245"},"modified":"2014-05-07T01:52:36","modified_gmt":"2014-05-07T09:52:36","slug":"met-gala-2014-exegesis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/met-gala-2014-exegesis\/","title":{"rendered":"Met Gala 2014 Exegesis"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Donatella-muppet\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Why doesn’t anyone tell Donatella<\/strong> that she looks like a Muppet? Is she too important? Or is it just too painful to deal with?<\/p>\n

I know I’d want someone to tell me.\u00a0 If I went around looking like a Muppet, it would mean that I had lost my mind and needed help. Maybe celebrities in the fashion world don’t like to help each other.<\/p>\n

I like helping. I am here to help, you could even say. So, here comes my exegesis of tonight’s event:<\/p>\n

Katie Holmes, are you fucking blind???<\/p>\n

\"katie<\/a><\/p>\n

God, get Tom’s stylists, can’t you? You will never live this one down.<\/p>\n

Kristen Stewart, I don’t want to hear your excuse. There is<\/em> no excuse. Zero out of ten.<\/p>\n

\"Kristen-Stewart-2014\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Kim K<\/strong>,\u00a0 you look like a big blue whale. Super not-good. Please, please, go away.<\/p>\n

\"Costume<\/a><\/p>\n

Lots of other attendees looked awful, crazy, or boring. Johnny Depp<\/strong> looked awful, crazy and alarmingly ancient. That girl will definitely dump him. Who wants to put some money on it? Lupita Nyongo<\/strong> wore a tragic outfit by Prada that looked like a bad Halloween costume for an Indian Maiden, but everyone had to go “You know, she pulled it off, that’s how great she is!”<\/p>\n

The obvious winner, who does not need my help, was Bee Shaffer<\/strong>, who outdid herself in a beautiful regal gown with a long train. Bryanboy<\/strong> called it early in the evening. Let’s all admire Bee while we try to forgive her mother for being Anna Wintour<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

\"Bee-Shaffer-goddess\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why doesn’t anyone tell Donatella that she looks like a Muppet? Is she too important? Or is it just too painful to deal with? I know I’d want someone to tell me.\u00a0 If I went around looking like a Muppet, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[4,2,8],"tags":[1082,626,1081,136],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-2Ff","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10245"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10245"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10245\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10245"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10245"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10245"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}