{"id":10420,"date":"2014-07-19T19:48:33","date_gmt":"2014-07-20T03:48:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=10420"},"modified":"2014-07-20T11:49:08","modified_gmt":"2014-07-20T19:49:08","slug":"justin-therouxs-penis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/justin-therouxs-penis\/","title":{"rendered":"Justin Theroux&#8217;s Penis"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/justin-penis-why.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10421\" alt=\"Justin Theroux seen jogging in his upcoming TV movie 'The Leftovers' in Queens, NYC\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/justin-penis-why.jpg?resize=441%2C607\" width=\"441\" height=\"607\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/justin-penis-why.jpg?w=441&amp;ssl=1 441w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/justin-penis-why.jpg?resize=217%2C300&amp;ssl=1 217w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 441px) 100vw, 441px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>I hadn&#8217;t heard that <strong>Justin Theroux<\/strong>&#8216;s penis was an issue until I read a quote from <strong>Liv Tyler<\/strong>, his co-star in that awful new <a href=\"http:\/\/www.hbo.com\/the-leftovers#\/\">HBO series<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>&#8220;There was this scene where he was jogging, and there was quite a large bulge in his sweatpants and it was all over.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Now I find that Justin&#8217;s penis is not just a huge distraction but a huge distraction. There are all kinds of pictures of his crotch, especially in sweatpants. Let&#8217;s have another look.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/justin-owww-penis.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10422\" alt=\"justin owww penis\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/justin-owww-penis.jpg?resize=465%2C647\" width=\"465\" height=\"647\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/justin-owww-penis.jpg?w=465&amp;ssl=1 465w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/justin-owww-penis.jpg?resize=215%2C300&amp;ssl=1 215w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 465px) 100vw, 465px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>You know what, I don&#8217;t like this penis. What is it doing? Why is it down there, did it fall? Where&#8217;s the rest of it? And why can&#8217;t he wear underwear? I&#8217;m starting to hate him.<\/p>\n<p>I have vague recollections of liking <strong>Marky Mark<\/strong>&#8216;s penis.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/markymark2.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10423\" alt=\"markymark2\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/markymark2.jpg?resize=350%2C475\" width=\"350\" height=\"475\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/markymark2.jpg?w=350&amp;ssl=1 350w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/markymark2.jpg?resize=221%2C300&amp;ssl=1 221w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>This looks more appetizing.\u00a0 <strong>Renaldo<\/strong> and <strong>Beckham<\/strong> aren&#8217;t bad either.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t think we girls like men for their silhouette in sweats or briefs. A man&#8217;s brain is so important when it comes to real attraction.\u00a0 A hot guy who says something stupid is a waste of hotness. Justin Theroux needs to stop giving interviews so I don&#8217;t have to feel worse about him than I already do.<\/p>\n<p>He needs to put up or shut up, with regard to <strong>Jennifer Aniston<\/strong>. He needs to stop talking about his clothes. He needs to stop hanging out with <a href=\"http:\/\/popdust.com\/2014\/06\/30\/justin-theroux-terry-richardson-jennifer-aniston-bromance-wedding\/\" target=\"_blank\">Terry Richardson<\/a> and he needs to give up that whole biker charade.<\/p>\n<p>Most of all, he needs to either show us his penis so we can figure out if it&#8217;s anatomically sound, or put on some fucking underpants so Live Tyler can resume whatever it is she&#8217;s trying to do.<\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I hadn&#8217;t heard that Justin Theroux&#8216;s penis was an issue until I read a quote from Liv Tyler, his co-star in that awful new HBO series. &#8220;There was this scene where he was jogging, and there was quite a large &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/justin-therouxs-penis\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[4,7],"tags":[1030,339,654],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-2I4","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10420"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10420"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10420\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10420"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10420"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10420"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}