{"id":10507,"date":"2014-09-08T21:31:59","date_gmt":"2014-09-09T05:31:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=10507"},"modified":"2014-09-08T21:31:59","modified_gmt":"2014-09-09T05:31:59","slug":"dog-dementia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/dog-dementia\/","title":{"rendered":"Dog Dementia"},"content":{"rendered":"

Poor Pico! He is completely nuts. He doesn’t know what he’s doing or where he’s going or what to do when he needs to move backwards or turn around.<\/p>\n

He howls for hours. He pants and whines. He often needs help to stand up because his rear legs are so wobbly. He has arthritis and I don’t know what else. The vet advised us that any kind of surgery was out of the question. I like her for not trying to squeeze money out of us.<\/p>\n

She’s a wonderful vet even though she’s unsure about penises. My BFF remarked that Pico’s penis is probably the first one she’s seen in years. I think that’s to her credit. She didn’t mind at all when Pico shat on her floor.<\/p>\n

I don’t know whether ‘shat’ is a word but I’m using it anyway. My dog has been shitting in the house for more than a week. This ties into my recurring dream that everything is Shit.<\/p>\n

This morning, Pico backed himself under a couch and started howling. The more I tried to pull him free, the more he reversed, moving more of his body under the couch and getting stuck. I tried to lift up the couch like mothers can do when their child is underneath a car, but this supermom thing doesn’t seem to work with dogs.<\/p>\n

I ran outside and got the drug dealer from the house next to the house next door. He lifted the couch and took a phone call from someone named ‘Josh.’ “I’ll call you in a few minutes, babe” he told Josh.<\/p>\n

I am really at a loss here.<\/p>\n

Pico still likes his food, even though he forgets where the bowl is. Otherwise, his life seems pretty awful, with all the confusion and anxiety. I personally will not be the one to pull the plug because I’m already permanently traumatized.<\/p>\n

Advice, dog owners?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"