{"id":10517,"date":"2014-09-23T21:04:08","date_gmt":"2014-09-24T05:04:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=10517"},"modified":"2014-09-23T21:04:08","modified_gmt":"2014-09-24T05:04:08","slug":"and-now-im-a-fucking-midget","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/and-now-im-a-fucking-midget\/","title":{"rendered":"And Now I’m A Fucking Midget"},"content":{"rendered":"

So after whimpering (i.e. screaming) about my back for two weeks, I went to the doctor. The first blow was when she measured my height. I am supposed to be 5′ 6″ but now I measured 5′ 4 1\/2″ for a loss of one and a half inches of valuable height!<\/p>\n

Fuck me! I can’t believe this, even though I know that age and shitty bones lead to shrinking. What next? A dowager’s hump? I’ll probably go bald and whatever else is available to elderly women. I had to have ex-rays of my back, which revealed a degenerating spine or something that sounded like that. All those years of weightlifting, for nothing.<\/p>\n

I’m going to get physical\u00a0 therapy for my back, but for now I have two new prescriptions plus a bottle of Pico’s narcotic pain-killers.<\/p>\n

To further drive home the old age thing, my husband and I were talking about TV hosts and we couldn’t remember Larry King’s last name. It was a moment of shared horror as our eyes met and we silently acknowledged that our brains have turned to mush.<\/p>\n

Trying to retrieve Larry King’s last name was like gazing into an infinite black hole where a memory bank used to be. I hate Larry King now. I would say He’s dead to me, except now I’ll probably remember him as a symbol of senility, both his and mine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"