{"id":10546,"date":"2014-11-12T21:37:44","date_gmt":"2014-11-13T05:37:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=10546"},"modified":"2014-11-12T21:37:44","modified_gmt":"2014-11-13T05:37:44","slug":"the-ass-age","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/the-ass-age\/","title":{"rendered":"The Ass Age"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/the-ass-age.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10547\" alt=\"the-ass-age\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/the-ass-age.jpg?resize=460%2C591\" width=\"460\" height=\"591\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/the-ass-age.jpg?w=460&amp;ssl=1 460w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/the-ass-age.jpg?resize=233%2C300&amp;ssl=1 233w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 460px) 100vw, 460px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>We have entered The Ass Age, and The Apocalypse is sure to follow. I would like it to hurry up.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not certain about the beginning of The Ass Age. Jennifer Lopez was the precursor many years ago but no one could&#8217;ve imagined what was coming.<\/p>\n<p>Astute bible students may have predicted it, though.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam&#8217;s anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>That&#8217;s just one of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.equest4truth.com\/equus-in-the-bible\/120-donkey-bible-references\" target=\"_blank\">143<\/a> times the word &#8216;ass&#8217; appears in the bible. And as we know, Things Happen For A Reason. The Lord was warning us about the worship of asses. And in the fullness of time, it has come to pass.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kim Kardashian<\/strong> is the Anti-Christ, obviously. We are suffering for her sins. I am, anyway.<\/p>\n<p>That huge ass is following us everywhere, threatening to block out the sun. Maybe it&#8217;s causing Climate Change for all we know. It keeps getting bigger. It will need a wheelbarrow or crane or something if it keeps growing at its present rate.<\/p>\n<p>What does that huge ass want from us?<\/p>\n<p>It has already spawned disturbing imitators, especially in the art of hip-hop, who might be the Apostles. How many Apostles were there? I once has an awful wall-hanging depiction of The Last Supper that I used as a rug, but I failed to count the attendees. Were there eight? Ten?<\/p>\n<p>Whatever. <strong>Nicki Minaj<\/strong> and <strong>Iggy Azalea<\/strong> are two, and <strong>Khloe Kardashian<\/strong> makes three. When we get the full cohort, the <a href=\"http:\/\/thebulletin.org\/timeline\" target=\"_blank\">doomsday clock <\/a>will strike midnight. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.signs-of-end-times.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">The End Times<\/a>. It will be a bummer for most of us but for others it will come as a blessed relief. No more huge asses taunting us, frightening us, swelling uncontrollably the The Blob.<\/p>\n<p>We will be free.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We have entered The Ass Age, and The Apocalypse is sure to follow. I would like it to hurry up. I&#8217;m not certain about the beginning of The Ass Age. Jennifer Lopez was the precursor many years ago but no &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/the-ass-age\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[5,11],"tags":[70,995,442],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-2K6","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10546"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10546"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10546\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10546"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10546"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10546"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}