{"id":1071,"date":"2008-08-23T21:38:50","date_gmt":"2008-08-24T05:38:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=1071"},"modified":"2008-08-23T21:38:50","modified_gmt":"2008-08-24T05:38:50","slug":"good-news-about-your-butt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/good-news-about-your-butt\/","title":{"rendered":"Good News About Your Butt!"},"content":{"rendered":"

I swear I wasn’t looking for them, but Butt Enhancers have come into my life and I couldn’t feel happier about it. Feel Foxy<\/a> has the best pictures, but Bubbles<\/a> has some great items, too. Personally, I am more interested in the Butt Bra than the padded butts. It “holds up the weight of the buttocks.”<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

I don’t know how your date might feel when you disrobe and your “buttocks” fall to their natural level. I don’t even know if “buttocks” is\/are plural, for god sake! And yet, this Butt Bra<\/a> might be the answer to my prayers!<\/p>\n

As luck would have it, I ended up at the glorious website of Shop in Private<\/a>, where I clicked on “hard to find items.” I was excited to find they had anal bleaching cream, and combination douche\/enema bags. However, a click on “Our Strangest Products” produced the Oral Sex Trainer, which exercises and strengthens the tongue.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Whew! I know this is a lot of important information to absorb at once. But the funny thing is, it all started because I clicked on an ad when I was searching the Urban Slang Dictionary<\/a> for the word “chill,” .<\/p>\n

I remember when “chillin'” and “illin'” were new words, and it was fun to use them in conversation. I remember when the suggestion to “chill out!” meant “relax!” Later, you could just say “chill” and drop the “out.” Now, people describe themselves as “chill.” “I’m really a chill person, I don’t party much bla bla”<\/em> is a common celebrity quote.<\/p>\n

My problem is, I think you are a “chilled” person, if you like to chill. Just as you’re a “relaxed” person if you like to relax.<\/p>\n

Fuck it. We argued about “chill” all the way home from the mall today. No one will agree with me. This is a microcosm of my whole life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"