{"id":10842,"date":"2015-07-27T15:13:10","date_gmt":"2015-07-27T23:13:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=10842"},"modified":"2015-07-27T15:13:10","modified_gmt":"2015-07-27T23:13:10","slug":"announcing-my-reality-show-i-am-cunt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/announcing-my-reality-show-i-am-cunt\/","title":{"rendered":"Announcing My Reality Show, ‘I Am Cunt’"},"content":{"rendered":"

I decided to skip the new Caitlyn Jenner<\/strong> show because (1) I am just sick of her\/him, and (2) I was busy watching my other Sunday shit as discussed only last week<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But upon reflection, I feel I should have my own Reality Show and of course, you should too!<\/p>\n

Mine will be about My Journey. There will be laughter, tears, and whining, and then more tears. There will be a lot of yelling and cursing.<\/p>\n

My family members will make appearances, nagging and berating me. My sister will bring her list of things she resents me for, like she did the last time we went out for coffee.<\/p>\n

My gender will remain pretty stable throughout, but my mental state will be all over the fucking map.<\/p>\n

Like I imagine Caitlyn<\/strong><\/a> did, I will invite you into my closet. I will grab a bunch of stuff and throw it across the room, announcing, “No more Bruce!” Or I can just moan, “Why did I spend money on this stupid shit?” as my husband wrings his hands in the background.<\/p>\n

We will review the history of my hair, and we’ll wonder how long before I die of cancer from those ‘keratin’ treatments.<\/p>\n

Fine, it sounds a little boring but in fact it will be mesmerizing, like Apocalypse Now crossed with Grey Gardens, only not. Maybe I can get a synopsis of every Caitlyn episode and just follow her\/his lead. We can certainly talk about my tits and make-up and how fearlessly I insist on being Me.<\/p>\n

I fucking love this. And it’s not just about me. It’s about everyone struggling with existence as an angry, self-involved shopping addict with mood swings who wants attention but doesn’t have a voice. Cunt or not.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"