{"id":1138,"date":"2008-09-19T00:45:38","date_gmt":"2008-09-19T08:45:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=1138"},"modified":"2008-09-19T00:47:18","modified_gmt":"2008-09-19T08:47:18","slug":"you-can-put-valentino-on-a-pig","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/you-can-put-valentino-on-a-pig\/","title":{"rendered":"You Can Put Valentino on a Pig…"},"content":{"rendered":"

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But it’s still Sarah Palin! Poor Valentino, how awful that Mrs. P chose one of his pieces to make her national debut in. Actually, her stylists<\/a> chose it, to be fair. Earlier, I read that she sometimes goes to an Anchorage charity shop, where she purchased a second-hand jacket by Escada and some Juicy Couture for Bristol.<\/p>\n

How telling that Sarah P. would buy used Escada! Ugh!<\/p>\n

As CEO of PAP Smear<\/a>, I have been asking myself, “Self, why do you despise this awful woman so passionately?” And the truth is this: I simply hate stupid people. Hate them, with a capital H. Stupid Bible Thumpers, well, I hate them even more. Stupid Bible Thumping Liars, now we’re talking red-hot hatred, a hatred that cannot be denied or contained.<\/p>\n

I can’t see Russia from my house, but I can see this photo of Bristol, hacked from Mrs. P’s Yahoo email. And call me crazy but I see Bristol MOCKING BABY TRIG! Ha Ha, good one Bristol!<\/p>\n

The ever-increasing horror of this stupid hillbilly family is now disturbing my sleep, and that’s not good for my mental health. Last night, I tossed and turned for hours, my inflamed frontal lobe generating Palin family names like Tigger, Prior, Blistex, Tic Tac, Toll Bridge, Tagger, Willing, Wallow, Trick of Treat……<\/p>\n

In the end, I discovered that I’d forgotten to take my Ativan.<\/p>\n

Tomorrow, let’s discuss why The First Dude hasn’t spoken up yet. Can he talk? Does he lisp? Is he a castrato<\/a>? Let’s find out!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

But it’s still Sarah Palin! Poor Valentino, how awful that Mrs. P chose one of his pieces to make her national debut in. Actually, her stylists chose it, to be fair. Earlier, I read that she sometimes goes to an … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[8,7],"tags":[378,377,210],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-im","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1138"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1138"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1138\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1138"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1138"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1138"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}