{"id":12787,"date":"2018-02-22T00:08:43","date_gmt":"2018-02-22T08:08:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/?p=12787"},"modified":"2018-02-22T00:08:43","modified_gmt":"2018-02-22T08:08:43","slug":"time-out-for-jimmy-choo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/time-out-for-jimmy-choo\/","title":{"rendered":"Time Out For Jimmy Choo"},"content":{"rendered":"

$\"time$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Everything is horrible and more horrible by the minute. We’re not going to be ready for the next outrage unless we stop and take a breath. Some may want to stop and smell the roses, but I prefer a bracing poke in the eye … like these pumps from Jimmy Choo<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Remember when the brand was the epitome of glamor and wealth? Ew!<\/p>\n

How much stupider could a shoe be? From this angle, it looks like you’re walking in a box.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a>Here, it just looks l;like you stepped in black toilet paper. If anyone complains, you can just scream, “THESE ARE FUCKING BOWS, OK, AND THEY COST $745,<\/a> MOTHERFUCKER!”<\/p>\n

Jimmy Choo is not just a one-trick pony. Check out these new boots:<\/p>\n

$\"time$ <\/a>This is a collaboration with Off-White<\/strong><\/a>, a brand that thinks you’ll spend anything for a sweatshirt. I love the look of your stockings falling down around your boots! So clever.<\/p>\n

They remind me of the time I was a flower girl at a wedding, wearing my very first pair of stockings, and no one told me that you needed a garter belt to hold them up. Every step down the aisle was excruciating. Like these boots. It was humiliating, but at least I wasn’t out $1,795<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Everything is horrible and more horrible by the minute. We’re not going to be ready for the next outrage unless we stop and take a breath. Some may want to stop and smell the roses, but I prefer a bracing … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12788,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[2],"tags":[644,37,118],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/jimmy-choo-bow-shoes-745.jpg?fit=390%2C585&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-3kf","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12787"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12787"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12787\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12788"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12787"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12787"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12787"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}