{"id":13159,"date":"2018-09-04T16:59:16","date_gmt":"2018-09-04T23:59:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/?p=13159"},"modified":"2018-09-04T17:01:32","modified_gmt":"2018-09-05T00:01:32","slug":"can-you-forgive-her","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/can-you-forgive-her\/","title":{"rendered":"Can You Forgive Her?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sometimes he would say, dejectedly, All you do is cry. Once, he asked her if she would be this sad if he had died instead. She redoubled her crying, asking, How could you even ask that! I love you so much! I would be devastated!<\/p>\n

But being a teen is hard at the best of times. And this wasn’t that. When he was stressed, or if he didn’t get his way, he would threaten to kill himself, like his brother did. At first, she would beg him not to say that. But it went on.<\/p>\n

At some point, she would shriek in response to this, GO AHEAD THEN AND GET IT OVER WITH! Reacting to her own distress but not his.<\/p>\n

I know.<\/p>\n

Can you forgive her?<\/p>\n

The threats kept coming. One day she declared,\u00a0 Nothing you do can hurt me. I am broken. I can’t be more hurt than I am. Of course this wasn’t true but she had no idea, she was lost in grief and PTSD from trying to revive a dead son.<\/p>\n

She did the best she could, attending functions with and for the teenager. She was filled with hope and joy watching him graduate from high school, where he was valedictorian. But she may have been fooling herself; she may have been totally absent emotionally when he needed her most.<\/p>\n

Anyway, things changed after the teenager moved into a dorm. He had trouble adjusting to visits home, where people treated him like a kid and went around making parental demands. The mother said, We want you here but don’t come home if you can’t respect us.<\/p>\n

Stupider words were never uttered. Stupid tough love that no one should deploy, ever.<\/p>\n

The teenager no longer wanted his mother’s affection, nor would he display any to her. He started calling her his biological mother. He left the dorm but wouldn’t move home. He was an independent young man and needed to live like one. He achieved big things, on his own.<\/p>\n

Nothing the mom did could restore his affection for her. If she said the wrong thing, and she did, things would blow up and get worse. He refused to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with his family. He would choose a family of his own making, who would treat him differently. Respectfully.<\/p>\n

There were brief rapprochements but the teenager became an adult and eventually wanted no part of his mother, or even his father. The mother and father were heartbroken, but that’s what happens. Get a life, parents!<\/p>\n

Maybe the mom will see her son again or maybe not. Life goes on, and on, and on.<\/p>\n

But looking back, can you forgive her? What if you were that teenager? Do the past or future even matter, or is it only one long meaningless Now?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"