{"id":13173,"date":"2018-08-21T22:34:40","date_gmt":"2018-08-22T05:34:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/?p=13173"},"modified":"2018-08-21T22:34:40","modified_gmt":"2018-08-22T05:34:40","slug":"2018-vma-awards-exegesis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/2018-vma-awards-exegesis\/","title":{"rendered":"2018 VMA Awards Exegesis"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/madge-2018.jpg?ssl=1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-13176\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/madge-2018.jpg?resize=484%2C599&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"484\" height=\"599\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/madge-2018.jpg?w=484&amp;ssl=1 484w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/madge-2018.jpg?resize=242%2C300&amp;ssl=1 242w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 484px) 100vw, 484px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Just Kill Yourself<\/em><\/strong>. That was the message of the 2018 Video Music Awards.<\/p>\n<p>From beginning to end, it was a travesty, lacking a single redeeming moment. You&#8217;ve probably heard how <strong>Madge<\/strong> embarrassed herself but it was so much worse. I&#8217;ll be quick.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kevin Hart<\/strong> and <strong>Tiffany Something<\/strong> tried to be funny. <strong>Cardi B<\/strong> tried to be shocking, but who can resist her her? <strong>Sean Mendez<\/strong> warbled a song. <strong>Ariana Grande<\/strong> wore her fake hair down instead of in a ponytail. I&#8217;m already sick of the <strong>Pete Davidson<\/strong> angle, aren&#8217;t you? Break up already.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Nikki Minaj<\/strong> revealed miles of abundant flesh and threw shade at people. She&#8217;s like the Rodney Dangerfield of hip hop.<\/p>\n<p>Some boy bands performed but I think I was in the kitchen getting ice cream.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Danger at the Disco<\/strong> or whatever their name is performed, the lead singer wearing a cheap brocade couch suit. What else? <strong>Travis Scott<\/strong>, Kylie&#8217;s baby daddy, hopped around, mad at Nikki about their competing new albums.<\/p>\n<p><strong>J Lo<\/strong> was given a &#8220;Vangard Award,&#8221; which must be important, right? She danced and danced, dutifully trying to twerk for the adoring audience. All that ass, but it won&#8217;t twerk. Then she gave a speech in which she praised her determination and her ability to do absolutely everything. She was ready to take credit for curing small pox. Her face was as tight as a drum and her long extensions stuck to her head. She thanked A-Rod, a douche in douche clothing. It went on forever.<\/p>\n<p>Now let&#8217;s do <strong>Madonna<\/strong>. GO AWAY ALREADY, YOU LUNATIC! She stood in front of a giant portrait of <strong>Aretha<\/strong> and proceeded to recall her own early career. It turns out that if there had been no Aretha Franklin, there would be no Madonna, and what then???? Just to rub salt in our wounds, she wore (i.e., culturally appropriated) Moroccan robes and a Berber hunting crown.<\/p>\n<p>Poor <strong>Camila Cabello<\/strong> dedicated her award to Madge, who looked confused, like Who the fuck are you?<\/p>\n<p>Oh wait, that<strong> Logic<\/strong> guy brought on a million young immigrants holding fake candles and wearing t shirts that said WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS. Jesus Christ, tell Trump, not us!!!!!<\/p>\n<p>Then that guy <strong>Post Malone<\/strong>, whose face is a scratch pad, joined <strong>Aerosmith<\/strong> for an awful performance that no human or immigrant should ever have to see or hear. WHY???<\/p>\n<p>Oh shit, I almost forgot <strong>Maluba<\/strong>, a Latin-American singer who looks like a stripper for a bachelorette party. I&#8217;d like to see him with J Lo when she&#8217;s done with A-Rod.<\/p>\n<p>God, reliving this was excruciating. Did I leave out anything?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Just Kill Yourself. That was the message of the 2018 Video Music Awards. From beginning to end, it was a travesty, lacking a single redeeming moment. You&#8217;ve probably heard how Madge embarrassed herself but it was so much worse. I&#8217;ll &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/2018-vma-awards-exegesis\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13178,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[5,8],"tags":[471,615,163],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/madonna-stop-it.jpg?fit=495%2C572&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-3qt","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13173"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13173"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13173\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13178"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13173"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13173"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13173"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}