{"id":13355,"date":"2018-11-07T17:12:43","date_gmt":"2018-11-08T01:12:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/?p=13355"},"modified":"2018-11-07T17:12:43","modified_gmt":"2018-11-08T01:12:43","slug":"glamping-the-stupidest-thing-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/glamping-the-stupidest-thing-ever\/","title":{"rendered":"Glamping: The Stupidest Thing Ever\u2122"},"content":{"rendered":"

To launch this new category, The Stupidest Thing Ever\u2122, I’m going with “glamping<\/strong>“, a concept that comes with its own stupid word.<\/p>\n

“Glamping” is a portmanteau of glamorous and camping and describes a style of camping with amenities and, in some cases, resort-style services not usually associated with “traditional” camping.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Apparently, this stupid practice has been going on so long that the American Glamping Association<\/strong> launched in August, joining World of Glamping<\/strong> (whatever that is) to promote the growing “industry.” There’s also Glamping Hub.<\/p>\n
It looks like I’ve been totally out of the fucking loop, as usual, but I’m trying to catch up. As I understand it, glamping<\/a> is for people who want to be outdoors but don\u2019t want to rough it. In millennial speak, it’s for people who want unique experiences<\/em>.<\/p>\n
Now here’s where I know I’m not a millennial: I DON’T WANT A UNIQUE EXPERIENCE! If I’m traveling, I want a 100% normal\u00a0 experience! When I went to London in September, I didn’t think, “Shit, I’m staying in a nice hotel in a nice part of the city, right near an underground station”. I didn’t wish I were in a teepee in the countryside or a barn with sheep. I have actually had some “unique experiences” while traveling, such as someone pointing a gun at me (England), a stranger slapping me (Italy) rape (Greece) and a really terrible acid trip (Wales.)<\/p>\n
No thank you!<\/p>\n
Also, how stupid would you feel to stay in an actual cave that had room service and a designer bathtub? How could you pretend this wasn’t stupid, you know? I discovered the cave hotel while scrolling through the offerings at glamping.com. The destination for this experience is Sextantio Le Grotte Della Civita<\/strong><\/a>, in southern Italy.<\/p>\n
$\"glamping$ <\/a><\/p>\n
The restored ancient caves will provide “an out-of-time journey through the traces of the uninterrupted presence of the man in this area, from Paleolithic times to the present.”<\/p>\n
The hotel rooms occupy the caves themselves. What separates Sassi di Matera from merely sleeping in a cave is a certain dedication to luxury. Your bathroom may be a bare rock cavern, but you can trust in your Milanese host\u2019s taste in fixtures and fittings: your bathtub is the finest money can buy. Prehistoric man might never have ventured outside the caves if they had bathrooms like these!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
For fuck sake.<\/p>\n
$\"stupid$ <\/a><\/p>\n
But let’s say you don’t want to pretend you’re Fred Flintstone. What else is there? The co-founder of the American Glamping Association notes that people have different needs.<\/p>\n
For example, if you really need complete isolation, then a glamping location that has just one very unique tent is the place for you.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
What kind of motherfucker needs one very unique tent???? The kind that takes an hour to describe what kind of beverage he wants at Starbucks? As if such a person would even go to Starbucks when he\/she\/they\/it\/x could only be happy with single origin coffee<\/a>, reverently prepared in a kabuki ritual by a barista wearing a crisp hemp apron.<\/p>\n
So much privilege. So much stupidity.<\/p>\n
Are you a glamper? Is glamper even a word? If you have any firsthand (or secondhand) glamping stories, let’s hear them!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
To launch this new category, The Stupidest Thing Ever\u2122, I’m going with “glamping“, a concept that comes with its own stupid word. “Glamping” is a portmanteau of glamorous and camping and describes a style of camping with amenities and, in … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13360,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[968,7,6],"tags":[986,445,836,577],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/glamping-caves.jpg?fit=500%2C420&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-3tp","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13355"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13355"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13355\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13367,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13355\/revisions\/13367"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13360"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13355"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13355"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13355"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}