{"id":13551,"date":"2019-03-13T21:04:40","date_gmt":"2019-03-14T04:04:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/?p=13551"},"modified":"2019-03-14T00:58:36","modified_gmt":"2019-03-14T07:58:36","slug":"why-are-they-torturing-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/why-are-they-torturing-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Are They Torturing Me? Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/denim-bootie-1313-zinko.jpg?ssl=1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-13553\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/denim-bootie-1313-zinko.jpg?resize=480%2C640&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"why are they torturing me\" width=\"480\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/denim-bootie-1313-zinko.jpg?w=480&amp;ssl=1 480w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/denim-bootie-1313-zinko.jpg?resize=225%2C300&amp;ssl=1 225w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 480px) 100vw, 480px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Sometimes I go looking for trouble but other times it assaults me when I&#8217;m doing what I call Minding My Own Business. These fucking boots are in the second category.<\/p>\n<p>I was scrolling through the new arrivals at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.farfetch.com\/shopping\/women\/natasha-zinko-blue-100-cutout-denim-ankle-boots-item-13438812.aspx?storeid=9359\">farfetch.com<\/a> when they came at me. What the fuck is wrong with this designer, <strong>Natasha Zinko<\/strong>? Everything she makes is a monstrosity, just pure visual hell. If you do a search of the brand at farfetch, you will want to kill her.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, the stupid sleeve-flaps hanging from this boot&#8230;let the website explain.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Much like the designer herself, Natasha Zinko is fun, vibrant and brimming with energy. Her personality undoubtedly shows through each clothing piece. These blue 100 denim-wrapped leather ankle boots from Natasha Zinko feature a pull-on style, a pointed toe, side flap pockets, a cut-out heel, a 100mm high stiletto heel and a leather sole.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>The price, $1,313 is also an affront. Why the double 13? Round up or down, motherfuckers.<\/p>\n<p>But then, not content to wallow in the nightmare of the boots, I went looking for one of my favorite tools of self-harm, <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/move-aside-proust-the-ex-wife-speaks\/\">the ex-wife&#8217;s<\/a> monthly column in her neighborhood paper. This month, she is expounding on the weather.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/topanga-bard.jpg?ssl=1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-13552\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/topanga-bard.jpg?resize=300%2C252&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"why are they torturing me\" width=\"300\" height=\"252\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/topanga-bard.jpg?resize=300%2C252&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/topanga-bard.jpg?w=704&amp;ssl=1 704w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a>Try reading it aloud, if you&#8217;re alone. Or to your partner, if he wasn&#8217;t ever married to her.<\/p>\n<p>How can this be real, the real thoughts and words of a human brain? Each time, I am amazed. Or as she might put it, amazed <em>anew<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>God. On the other hand, I&#8217;d be sad without the torments of the internet. Wouldn&#8217;t you? Or not?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes I go looking for trouble but other times it assaults me when I&#8217;m doing what I call Minding My Own Business. These fucking boots are in the second category. I was scrolling through the new arrivals at farfetch.com when &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/why-are-they-torturing-me\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[9,6],"tags":[1045,614,180],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-3wz","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13551"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13551"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13551\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13559,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13551\/revisions\/13559"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13551"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13551"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13551"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}