{"id":13735,"date":"2019-06-05T23:39:16","date_gmt":"2019-06-06T06:39:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/?p=13735"},"modified":"2019-06-05T23:39:16","modified_gmt":"2019-06-06T06:39:16","slug":"madonna-canceled","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/madonna-canceled\/","title":{"rendered":"Madonna, Canceled"},"content":{"rendered":"

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Today there’s an article in The New York Times called “Madonna at 60<\/strong>“.\u00a0 I am pleased to report that I didn’t, and will not, read it. Madonna is canceled.<\/p>\n

Madonna has already taken up too much of my time and emotional energy. I used to rant about her being a cultural scourge, a terrible role model responsible for every subsequent blonde sexpot who made a career out of hardly being able to sing. Plus Lady Gaga.<\/p>\n

When I wrote gossip for a living, I found that on any given day, there was some Madonna news. Her family problems, her Instagram provocations, whatever. I was both fascinated and grossed out. I watched her face swell with fillers and took it personally. I flipped out when she appeared on awards shows wearing revealing outfits. I rejoiced when her legs got chunky.<\/p>\n

Now I can stop. I don’t even need Chantix<\/a>. I’m just going to take my business elsewhere. Hating Beyonce<\/strong><\/a> is a pretty good substitute, actually.<\/p>\n

Who gives a shit about Madge at sixty? She’ll just insist that she’s still relevant and still sexy. Ew.<\/p>\n

However! I have collected Madonna pictures to accompany my made-up stories<\/a> and just for my own entertainment. Please enjoy or disenjoy them before I delete them. And if you’d like to give me an award for canceling her, I graciously accept.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today there’s an article in The New York Times called “Madonna at 60“.\u00a0 I am pleased to report that I didn’t, and will not, read it. Madonna is canceled. Madonna has already taken up too much of my time and … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13736,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[4,968,7],"tags":[986,163,442],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/madge-implants-500.jpg?fit=500%2C495&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-3zx","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13735"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13735"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13735\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13743,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13735\/revisions\/13743"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13736"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13735"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13735"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13735"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}