{"id":1431,"date":"2009-01-06T22:39:18","date_gmt":"2009-01-07T06:39:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=1431"},"modified":"2009-01-06T22:39:18","modified_gmt":"2009-01-07T06:39:18","slug":"no-luck-for-levi-johnston","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/no-luck-for-levi-johnston\/","title":{"rendered":"No Luck for Levi Johnston"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ever since he knocked up his girlfriend, nothing has gone right for poor Levi. One minute a rakish Wasilla heartthrob, the next minute a hostage at the RNC with no hope of freedom, ever.<\/p>\n

Now he’s lost his job after it came out that he never finished high school, and he can blame that loudmouth Mrs. Palin for making a big stink<\/a> about it.<\/p>\n

Of course, Mrs. P. denies helping Levi get that high-paying job in the first place. That would be pulling strings or something, and with her high regard for this great country of ours, that is something she just would not do. She did write a letter<\/a> of recommendation for Levi and here’s what it said:<\/p>\n

“I have known Levi and his family for many years and am most impressed with Levi’s work ethic. Levi is organized, efficient, extremely competent, and will prove to be an excellent employee. Also, Levi’s physical strength and determination are assets that will be useful to your company.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

How brilliant is her coding?! Let us deconstruct the letter…<\/p>\n

“I have known his family”<\/em> means “I have had his mom busted for drug dealing.”
\n“extremely competent”<\/em> means “He was able to impregnate my daughter twice.”
\n“Levi’s physical strength”<\/em> means either “I find him pretty yummy myself!” or “Todd hasn’t been able to beat him up.”
\n“Useful to your company”<\/em> means “Give his ass a job, or else.”<\/p>\n

Now Levi’s life is ruined. His parents are divorcing, his dream of playing pro hockey is long gone, he has two babies with stupid names and he can’t afford to buy diapers. All he wanted to do was drink, do drugs, shoot his rifle and screw his girlfriend! If there’s a god, why is he so mad at poor Levi?!<\/p>\n

I have a hunch that he wanted to name that baby Trapped, instead of Tripp, but I can’t prove it….yet.<\/p>\n

If you were Levi, what would you do?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"