{"id":14438,"date":"2020-08-16T20:53:31","date_gmt":"2020-08-17T03:53:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/?p=14438"},"modified":"2020-08-16T20:53:31","modified_gmt":"2020-08-17T03:53:31","slug":"less-than-forty-nollars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/less-than-forty-nollars\/","title":{"rendered":"Less Than Forty Nollars!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/buttprint.jpg?ssl=1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-14450\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/buttprint.jpg?resize=500%2C749&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"749\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/buttprint.jpg?w=500&amp;ssl=1 500w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/buttprint.jpg?resize=200%2C300&amp;ssl=1 200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Now that I spend my whole life on the couch watching TV, I&#8217;ve developed relationships with a bunch of commercials, some involving ritualized behavior on my part.<\/p>\n<p>When the DealDash guy boasts about getting suitcases for less than 40 nollars, I have to shout &#8220;NOLLARS!&#8221; at him. Check him out below.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/DaKsZC0whYc\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Then there&#8217;s the lady who says smugly, &#8220;I don&#8217;t add up my regrets&#8230;&#8221; and I have to shout, &#8220;YOU SHOULD!&#8221;<\/p>\n<div style=\"position: relative; width: 100%; padding-top: 56.25%; padding-bottom: 40px;\"><iframe style=\"position: absolute; top: 0; right: 0; left: 0; bottom: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.ispot.tv\/share\/I49J\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<p>Fuck her, you know?<\/p>\n<p>I hate old ladies bragging about how active they are. I especially hate seeing them play with their grandchildren, that&#8217;s how bitter I am.<\/p>\n<p>A new\u00a0 commercial I&#8217;m enjoying is the one for the PureWick female catheter. In this one, a woman asks her incontinent mother how she slept. What I like is their diction and decorum. They speak like Shakespearean actresses. It is so comically unlike caring for my 103 year old mother-in-law, who wants to get up and pee a thousand times a night. All her caretakers have begged her to stop doing this and it is driving everyone crazy.<\/p>\n<div style=\"position: relative; width: 100%; padding-top: 56.25%; padding-bottom: 40px;\"><iframe style=\"position: absolute; top: 0; right: 0; left: 0; bottom: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.ispot.tv\/share\/nO4B\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<p>I could watch those two actresses for hours. They should do a Masterpiece Theater series about staying dry at night.<\/p>\n<p>I know it&#8217;s no joke to be old. I&#8217;m still going to laugh, though.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t think I&#8217;d enjoy a life reduced to worrying about peeing. Now that some of us are privileged enough to be under house arrest, we&#8217;re learning how to endure a constricted existence and wondering how much we can take. We&#8217;re trying to remember why we ever\u00a0 cared about the things that took up our time and emotional energy.<\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;re debating the value of getting dressed in normal clothes versus wearing sweatpants. I&#8217;m tired of this discussion because I just wear jeans every day, like every decent person should do. I wear jeans while I watch the news all day, and while I watch Netflix all night.<\/p>\n<p>See my butt-print on the couch? That says it all.<\/p>\n<p>If this ever ends, I hope I remember how to act like a normal, socialized person. Meanwhile, at least I&#8217;m not going to shopping malls. I&#8217;m saving millions of nollars, right? And I&#8217;m keeping track of my regrets.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Now that I spend my whole life on the couch watching TV, I&#8217;ve developed relationships with a bunch of commercials, some involving ritualized behavior on my part. When the DealDash guy boasts about getting suitcases for less than 40 nollars, &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/less-than-forty-nollars\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14450,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[8,6],"tags":[485,1035,221],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/buttprint.jpg?fit=500%2C749&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-3KS","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14438"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14438"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14438\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14452,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14438\/revisions\/14452"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14450"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}