{"id":1516,"date":"2009-02-06T00:50:40","date_gmt":"2009-02-06T08:50:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.godammit.com\/?p=1516"},"modified":"2009-02-06T00:50:40","modified_gmt":"2009-02-06T08:50:40","slug":"the-black-jeans-situation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/the-black-jeans-situation\/","title":{"rendered":"The Black Jeans Situation"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/ferragamo-sweater.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-1518\" title=\"ferragamo-sweater\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/ferragamo-sweater-300x251.jpg?resize=300%2C251\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"251\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/ferragamo-sweater.jpg?resize=300%2C251&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/ferragamo-sweater.jpg?w=486&amp;ssl=1 486w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>I have taken a vow to stop buying black jeans, but I broke it twice in one week. I&#8217;m beginning to wonder if there are any black jeans in the universe that would fit me properly, or if I&#8217;ll spend the rest of my life proving that the answer is No.<\/p>\n<p>My latest Black Jeans disappointment are a pair by<strong> Aristocrat<\/strong> (whoever they are) reduced from $195 to $50. They were too tight but I assumed they would stretch to fit after a few hours. Now I realize that the only jeans that stretch that much are the ones that fit perfectly! Then, they&#8217;re too baggy.<\/p>\n<p>My black <strong>Nudie<\/strong> jeans: too baggy. Black skinny <strong>Levis<\/strong>: too baggy. Black <strong>Superfine<\/strong> jeans: too baggy AND too tight. Black <strong>L.A.M.B<\/strong> jeans: way too baggy, but too tight when I bought them.<\/p>\n<p>There is no end to this heartbreak. I want some perfect Black Jeans and I&#8217;ve wasted enough money to fund a thousand new jobs to build up the infrastructure of this great country of ours. How can I stop the insanity?!?<\/p>\n<p>I tried to break the curse by buying these silvery-black jeans online, but they turned out to be preposterously tiny for a size 4, <em>and<\/em> they were a &#8216;final sale,&#8217; as usual.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/new-pants-for-cheap2.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-1517\" title=\"new-pants-for-cheap2\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/new-pants-for-cheap2-201x300.jpg?resize=201%2C300\" alt=\"\" width=\"201\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/new-pants-for-cheap2.jpg?resize=201%2C300&amp;ssl=1 201w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/godammit.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/new-pants-for-cheap2.jpg?w=520&amp;ssl=1 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 201px) 100vw, 201px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>My loss, in this case, is <strong>Annemarie<\/strong>&#8216;s gain, because I know they will fit her. Not only that, but she gave me the Ferragamo sweater in the photo above.<\/p>\n<p>I feel I am enmeshed in a hopeless enterprise but unable to admit defeat or just move on. What would Jesus do?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I have taken a vow to stop buying black jeans, but I broke it twice in one week. I&#8217;m beginning to wonder if there are any black jeans in the universe that would fit me properly, or if I&#8217;ll spend &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/godammit.com\/the-black-jeans-situation\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[9,2],"tags":[495,497,496],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7t44M-os","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1516"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1516"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1516\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1516"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1516"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/godammit.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1516"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}